Stay
by pocket dial
Summary: A/U - Vincent and Catherine were inseparable until one day an unfortunate accident changed the course of their lives.
1. A cold sweat hot headed believer

**A/N: I know I said no more writing but I came up with the idea while on the plane to Hawaii.**

**Synopsis: Beauty and the Beast meets Indecent Proposal meets my brain. It will be a different type of "beast".**

**Italics are flashbacks. Fic will switch on and off between present and past narration.**

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For half an hour she sat quietly in the back of a limousine. She wore the dress that the chauffeur had given her, courtesy of Mr. Keller, who had everything planned out for their twenty-four hours together.

The window that separated the both of them slides down. "Mrs. Chandler, we'll be there soon."

"Catherine." She tells the chauffeur.

She had no regrets about tonight even though she lied to her husband about not knowing Mr. Keller. They agreed to his proposal because her husband, Dr. Evan Marks wanted to start his own practice and the million dollars was a good start. It would only be twenty-four hours and they both agreed that she not tell him what activities would later happen with Mr. Keller especially if she has sex with him.

She sits back and flips through the photo album that Mr. Keller left for her, a gift she gave him years ago.

Memories of their past starts to drift into her mind as she flips through the pages. The first page was of him and his two brothers as he graduated from boot camp, another with all four and the last picture was just the two of them. The next page was of him coming back home to a surprise party and another picture of him with her family.

The photo album was a gift she gave him before his first tour to Afghanistan, something to remind him that she was waiting for him and that she would always be there for him.

Nine months later, after his first tour, he was called upon again. He was sent back to Afghanistan for his second tour and was sent home thirteen months later when most of the men in his unit was killed.

He came back as a different person. The Vincent that came back was cold and distant. He was no longer the man she was in love with but deep down she knew he was still there so she stayed with him.

Weeks after coming back home he got his honorable discharge. He wanted to stay in the Army but his brothers and Catherine thought it would be best if he left that life behind. He argued with his brothers for forcing him to quit and she would literally have to stand in the middle of the three as they towered over her. He yelled at her for taking their side and accused her of sleeping with them while he was away.

Tears pricked her eyes and she slapped him. Nathaniel, the middle brother held her as William the eldest punched Vincent on the face for saying something so stupid. They only looked out for her while Vincent was overseas.

_He stepped closer to her and looked down at her. "How does it feel to sleep with all three Keller brothers? Is that what you've been doing while I was away?"_

_She swung her right arm until her hand met his left cheek. Her eyes stung with tears and she turned to runaway but was stopped by Nathaniel._

_"Asshole." William stepped up to his younger brother and punched him._

_"It's okay sweetheart. I'll walk you home." Nathaniel whispered in her ear. They always teased her for having too kind of a heart and the nickname stuck ever since but she only let William and Nathaniel call her that._

_Nathaniel walked her up to her room and hugged her until she stopped crying. She felt weak and tired. He carried her in his arms and placed her on her bed. He tucked her in and kissed her forehead._

_"Call me if you need anything."_

His drinking started off with once a week and quickly escalated to three to five times as he had recurring nightmares. He had gone through so much and had to forget. Most of the men in his unit was killed by an IED bomb. One of them had died in his arms and he couldn't erase the images of their torn up body as they lay still and motionless. Three others survived but all three had missing limbs while he survived with only a scar running down half of his face.

The guilt ate at him. It wasn't fair that they died and he survived. He was the only one to suffer just a scar when the other three lost an arm or leg. No one blamed him but himself. He kept the anger and sadness deep inside and refused to go to counselling.

He grew enraged when she first approached him about seeking help and talking to a psychiatrist. He was suffering from PTSD but he kept denying it, telling them that he was just grieving for his unit. She dropped the subject and hoped that he would at least talk to her.

She grew weary of his anger and stayed away for a week until he begged her to give him another chance. He apologized on his knees until she came back with him, next door to his house that he shared with his brothers, that they inherited from their parents. They made up that night and made love but he quickly broke his promise of staying sober as he drank when she left to go to class the following day. She stayed with him because she loved him and wanted to help. She was foolish to think that their love was strong enough to carry them through his issues when he couldn't even accept that he had a problem.

She would cry helplessly in his arms when she grew tired of his constant drinking and he would hold her until they both fell asleep. When he was sober he would get up with her. He brushed his teeth as she showered and she would let him join her afterwards.

She did all she could to calm him down after he woke up from a nightmare but there were nights when all he wanted was to be deep inside of her, making him forget all the shit he went through while in Afghanistan and she would comply because he would get angry if she didn't. Once, he stormed out of the house in only his boxers. She chased after him and promised him anything if he came back home.

_She barely closed the door to his room when he picked her up and carried her to his bed. He put her down and laid on top of her._

_"Do you love me?" He asked her._

_"You know that I do Vincent." She ran his fingers through his hair and brought it down to his scarred cheek. "No matter what, I love you."_

_"Do you hate me?" He voice was soft and his eyes were filled with pain. He hated his scar, it was a reminder of what happened to him and his unit._

_"I could never hate you." She answered._

_"You promised me anything I wanted if I came back home."_

_"What do you want?"_

_He leaned down and whispered it into her ear. "Promise me you will never leave me again. I don't know what I would do without you. Please don't leave me again."_

_She felt his tears trickle down her neck. "I love you Vincent. I promise to never leave you again."_

_"Can we have sex?"_

_"Make love to me Vincent." She answered._

_He took his time as he pleasured her body. He traced her curves with his hands, kissed all her weak spots, from head to toe. He licked the softness of her skin, tasted the sweetness of her lips and lapped at her juices as she came. She offered all of herself to him and he entered her with the gentleness of his love for her, though he hardly showed it._

_He moved slowly inside of her and kissed her tears as she cried._

_"I'm sorry Catherine. I love you." He kissed her lips as he thrust in and out of her._

_"I love you Vincent."_

_They continued to move as one and he held her hands as he felt her body underneath him start to wither._

_"I'm coming Vincent." She moaned._

_She squeezed his hands as she felt him come with her._

She wanted to make love but all he wanted was a good fuck when he was drunk. She cried herself to sleep as he held her close to him. When they woke up he still had the distant look in his eyes and she tried her best to not show her disappointment. She hoped that he would at least try to let her in but she knew better than to force the subject.

Then things got worse when one of the survivor from his unit passed away from his injuries. He drank himself to sleep and the distance between them grew as he slept through her Police Academy graduation. His two older brothers were there but the most important person in her life didn't bother showing up. She found him passed out on his bed with an empty bottle of vodka next to him. She went home next door and cried herself to sleep.

He kept apologizing and stayed sober for almost two weeks. They didn't do much since he was having withdrawals. He snapped at her and felt feverish but she still stayed by his side and took care of him. One evening when he felt better he apologized for all the shit he put her trough. She ordered them pizza and stayed in his room. She got him to take a shower and she shaved and cut his hair for him. They made love the way they use to and she slept peacefully in his arms but the happy moment didn't last long

He started drinking again when she started her field training and probationary period. She was gone most of the day and he didn't know how to deal with his pain. She'd come to his room to find him passed out or incoherent and drunk. He didn't understand why he'd wake up in the middle of the night with her crying next to him. His drunk mind wasn't aware of the pain she was suffering because of him. He'd hold her tighter but he always fell asleep before her.

_"Will you come back tonight?" He always asked her before she left for work._

_"Of course." She always answered with a forced smile._

She tried to make him feel wanted and needed, constantly reassuring him that she still loved him. On her days off she trimmed his beard and shaved his face for him but his scar made him feel self-conscious.

_"You were too much of a pretty boy." She'd tell him as she kissed his scar._

_"And now?"_

_"You're more handsome than ever." She kissed his lips and pulled away smiling. "I love you Vincent."_

_He smiled back which seldom happened. "I love you too Catherine."_

She cut his hair and shortened it to his liking. He stayed sober on those days because she stopped him from drinking.

The sober days were the best especially when he made it his choice. He drove and picked her up at work then went out for dinner. At night they made love and talked until she fell asleep in his arms. She woke up to breakfast in bed and made love before she had to leave. Those days were rare so she cherished them, it was the days he would tell her how much he loves her and how thankful he was to have her in his life. It was the Vincent she fell in love with but he didn't show up often.

He drank while she was at work and had sex when she came over at night but when he woke up the next day he couldn't remember what had happened. She cried as she dressed for work and he slept because he had a hangover.

Their up and down moments continued but there were more bad days than good. She saw him every night but only because she feared what he would do if she wasn't there.

_One morning he heard crying in the bathroom and when he opened the door he saw her holding a pregnancy test in her hand. He stared at her as they both waited for the result._

_She held her breath as she looked at the result._

_"You're pregnant?" He whispered._

_"Negative." She tells him._

_He didn't even know that she was late and didn't remember how often they did it, just that they did do it since he woke up with the both of them naked. He sighed in relief and hugged her. She pushed him away as she smelled whiskey on his breath._

_"Catherine...I'm sorry." He placed his arms around her again._

_She shook her head and pushed him off. "Vincent we do this every morning. I have to get ready for work."_

_"Will you come back tonight?"_

_She sighed. "I always do."_

_She threw away the pregnancy test and got ready for work. He was asleep when she left. The guy she loved was no longer there and she felt an empty feeling in her heart._

_She came over after work that night to find his two older brothers hovering above him in the living room. William, the eldest had his fingers down Vincent's throat, forcing him to vomit. He barely raised his head from the floor as he puked._

_She cleaned up after him and changed his clothes. His two older brothers carried him to his room where she stayed up all night to make sure he was okay. He woke up to her crying and he knew he really fucked up the night before._

_"I have to get ready for work." She told him and got up. She had no sleep and was still doing field training with a senior officer who only talked about the job and never anything personal. He lost a partner years ago and didn't want to get close to anyone else _

_"Will I see you tonight?"_

_"Can you stay sober today Vincent?"_

_"Okay." He answered._

_"You promise?" She asked._

_"I promise."_

_"I'll call you when my shift is over."_

_He waited for her and fell asleep in the living room couch. He had a few beers and didn't think she would be mad since he always drank hard liquor._

_She slammed the door and he quickly woke up._

_"Catherine..." He stood up from the couch on wobbly legs._

_"One day Vincent. I only asked for one day."_

_"I'm sorry." He tried walking to her but tripped and fell on the floor. He got up on his own and stood up once again._

_His two brothers came downstairs as they heard him fall. She held her hand up to stop them._

_"It's over Vincent." She was tired of his empty promises and was completely exhausted because of him. She hardly slept and kept forgetting to take her birth control pills. Her world revolved around his needs and wants but she couldn't do it anymore._

_The two older brothers looked at her and then him. They couldn't blame her. She stayed in an unhappy relationship for the sake of their brother._

_She walked out the door and closed it behind her._

_"Catherine wait..."_

_She listened and waited for him._

_"Let her go Vincent." William advised him as he and Nathaniel walked down the steps and stood by his side. "Let her go."_

_She knew they were right. They always looked out for her. She walked back to her parents house and slept in her own bed by herself. _

_She received a text from William the next morning letting her know that they had poured out all the alcohol and took his car keys. He apologized for all the months that he and Nathaniel didn't do anything to help her or Vincent. They thought that it was just a phase and that she would be able to help but instead it got worse. She asked him to keep her updated but not to tell Vincent. He apologized again and told her he would be by after work to make sure she was okay. She received the same text from Nathaniel, apologizing and that he would see her later._

_She also received a few text from Vincent and she deleted them all without reading it. He kept calling and texting her but she never responded._

His whole world came tumbling down once more when she left him. He completely let himself go and drank every single day. He sent her texts and left her messages since she ignored his calls. He was usually drunk and didn't make any sense. Once, he called and left her an angry message, telling her that she was a cold-hearted bitch for leaving him. He got punched in the face by his oldest brother who heard the whole thing.

She didn't listen to any of his messages because William told her not to and she always listened to him.

_There was a knock on her bedroom door. She opened it and was met by the eldest Keller._

_"Will, what are you doing here? Is it Vincent? Is he okay?" She asked in her weak and tired voice._

_He walked into the room and led her to her bed. They sat next to each other. "Relax. I came here to warn you. He found his phone and is charging it right now. Ignore his texts and calls. Don't listen to any of his messages either."_

_"I just want to hear his voice Will."_

_He placed her hand over his. "Sweetie, it will only break your heart."_

_"I miss him." She admitted._

_"We all do but he's been gone a log time ago."_

_"Maybe if I talk to him..." She was having doubts about breaking it off even though he hurt her more than he made her happy._

_"You tried that for months and nothing changed. He has to make the decision for himself. He needs help." _

_"I should have tried harder." She wiped her tears._

_"This isn't your fault sweetheart." He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb as he tried to console her. "I can't stand to see you hurting and I've stood idly by long enough. I have a friend in Manhattan looking for a roommate. Tess Vargas, do you remember her?"_

_"Your ex?"_

_"Yes my ex." William answered. "She has an apartment and her roommate left to move with her boyfriend."_

_"I can't afford it. I'm still paying off my loans."_

_"I talked to Nathan. We can pay for the first six months. It's the least we can do after everything you've done for Vincent. Let me and Nathan worry about him. Live your life. You deserve it after everything you've been through."_

_"Can I think about it?" She asked him._

_"No. I already told her you're moving in next weekend."_

_She opened her mouth and closed it immediately as William squeezed her hand._

_"Don't worry we'll keep you updated and Nathan will help you move. Now get some sleep and I'll talk to you tomorrow." He stood up and kissed the top of her head. "Good night."_

_She looked up at him. "Will, can you stay with me until I fall asleep?"_

_"Anything for you sweetheart."_

_He took off his shoes and sat up on her bed as she laid down next to him._

_"Does he know you're here?" She asked him as she looked up at him._

_He looked at her. "Don't worry your pretty head. I can take care of myself. Try to sleep."_

_She closed her eyes and fell asleep to the sound of William laughing as he watched TV._

He grew a mustache and let his hair grow. He only left the house to buy alcohol until one day, three weeks later after their break up, when he looked out the window and saw that she was moving away from her parents house. He ran down as quickly as he could but she was already in his brother's truck as he drove away. She wiped her tears as she saw him in the rear view mirror. This time, leaving was something she had to do for herself.

She closes the photo album and wipes her tears. She had broken her promise to him and had left him. His brothers kept assuring her that it was the right thing to do.

It took Vincent awhile but he finally decided to listen to his brothers and enter rehab. It was only for thirty days but he decided to stay for another sixty days. By the time he was clean she was already dating someone else. After two years of dating they got married.

The limousine stopped as it reached their destination. "Mrs. Chandler, we're here." The chauffeur told her.

Her door opened and was greeted by another male dressed in a suit. "Welcome to Mr. Keller's estate. He's been waiting for you."

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**A/N: Review? Only if you want to.**


	2. It's not much of a life you're living

**A/N: Italics are flashbacks. Fic will switch on and off between present and past narration.**

**This chapter will be more from Vincent's side of the story or the things he remembers about them since he drank a bit too much in their later years.**

**Thank you for reviewing.**

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He chose to drink and pushed her away until she finally decided to leave him. Even then he didn't change. He always thought she'd come back like she always did. He didn't realize how much he hurt her until months after she left. He took her down with him and made her feel unworthy. He used her body for sex and her love for him as leverage to keep her close. He broke her heart over and over but she kept taking him back because she loved him too much to let him go.

It wasn't until his brothers told him that they had to force her to move, in order for her to move on with her life, that he felt like a complete ass. At first he was angry but then later he understood. She would have stayed with him and he would have never stopped drinking. He was glad that they looked out for her because he broke his promise to her yet again. She gave so much of herself to him and didn't receive anything but a broken heart.

He finally cleaned up his act and stopped blaming the world for all the bad shit in his life. It took him months to finally be sober but he was too late. She was already dating someone else. He slipped back to his old habits but his brothers helped him get through it.

He joined his two brothers in the family business that their parents left for them and Keller Advertising was more successful than ever. They became rich but he was unhappy even after he reached his goal. He was a multi-millionaire by age thirty but she was no longer by his side to celebrate with him. In fact they had lost touch and he never dared asked his brothers what she was up to. During moments of drunken vulnerability he asked them about her but was only told that she was happy and he should leave her alone.

He was finally able to afford the house they both dreamt of. He chose the best architect in the east coast and had him contract a blue print of their dream house. In less than a year the house was built and he moved in, more lonely than ever. Everything he did was for her but she was no longer with him.

He took all the blame for her leaving and had a hard time moving on. He dated but never anything serious. He only wanted Catherine but he also had needs. He slept with a few of them and called them now and then. He enjoyed their company because he was lonely but they also wanted more from him, a relationship. He never called them back after that.

One day a girl from the office caught his eyes. She had fiery red hair and was part of Nathaniel's team. They started dating and things quickly became serious. He told her he loved her after a month of dating but only because it was Catherine's birthday and he wanted to forget her. No matter how hard he tried Catherine still owned his heart.

Alexandra Salter or Alex for short became his girlfriend and for their one year anniversary they went on a cruise. They mostly spent the time apart on the ship as she shopped and had spa treatments while he mostly swam or went to the gym or was at the bar. They spent time together when the ship stopped at ports. They did the tourist thing and took pictures of every place they went to.

On the fourth day of the cruise when he and Alex went their separate way for the afternoon he decided to go for a swim before meeting her for dinner. He was walking to the pool when he saw her, his Catherine. A male with dark blonde hair and blue eyes sat closely behind her and was rubbing sun block lotion on her. She laughed as he whispered something in her ear. She turned her head and kissed him on the lips. His heart sank when the guy took her left hand in his and that's when he saw the matching wedding bands. For a moment all he could do was stare at them.

Catherine turned her head and that's when she finally noticed him staring at them. She could only look across the pool, where he stood. He was sorry he ever let her go and the selfish part of him wished he never listened to his brothers. They wouldn't be happy but at least she would still be with him. He quickly turned and never looked back.

He went straight to the bar and drank like he use to. He managed to find his room and laid on the bed in a drunken stupor. Alex found him passed out and ate dinner by herself. She was pissed nonetheless but he could care less about her. Catherine managed to break his heart again and he had lost her for good.

He broke things off with Alex and told his brothers what he saw on the cruise. They both knew she was married and that was the reason they didn't want him to reach out to her.

He hired a private detective since his brothers wouldn't tell him anything about Catherine and her husband. He found out that they've been married for two years and that they were barely making ends meet since her husband recently lost his job. The cruise was an anniversary gift from his parents who adored Catherine. She kept her last name to make things easier for her job. She was working for the NYPD and was going to school to become a detective.

A month later he made the proposal to Dr. Evan Marks. One million dollars for one day with his wife, Catherine Chandler.

_He waited impatiently for Evan as he was running late from an interview in New Jersey. The two was meeting secretly behind Catherine's back as they discussed the details of the proposal. _

_"Why my wife, Mr. Keller?"_

_"I liked what I saw on the cruise." He simply answered as he took a swig of his beer. "She's just my type and I have money to burn."_

_"And what type is that?" Evan asked curiously._

_"Beautiful."_

_"I have to discuss it with my wife first."_

_"You have my number." He stood up and paid the bill._

Catherine would be on his doorstep soon and he couldn't help but feel nervous. All he wanted was to spend some time with her and hopefully, maybe, she still loves him the way he loves her. She was the love of his life and he wanted her back.

They were best friends since diaper age and lived next door to each other. Vincent was three weeks older and he never let her forget it. Their parents were best friends since high school and wanted their kids to be friends as well.

The Chandler's had two beautiful girls and the Keller's had three handsome boys. The Keller boys protected the Chandler girls, who found it to be a blessing and a curse. They had an exotic beauty about them that guys loved. Both sisters have green eyes and was a perfect mix of Asian and European heritage.

The eldest Chandler, Catherine, didn't date until her freshman year in high school since the Keller brothers were good at scaring boys away from her. The only boy she was allowed to hang out alone with was the youngest Keller, her best friend Vincent.

One night while drunk during her first high school party, she was dared to make out with her best friend, Vincent Keller, who wasn't even in the same room. Everyone knew of their friendship and was curious if they ever crossed the line before. She didn't want to but they forced her to do so since she picked "dare" and they didn't let her change her pick to "truth". Her and Vincent were just best friends and nothing more.

He was drinking in another room with his teammates when someone yelled for him to go to the front living room where they were playing "truth or dare". They filled him in as they walked across the hall way.

_"Cat was dared to kiss you, with tongue and all. Lucky dog! She's fucking hot. She's definitely fuckable." One teammate commented._

_He clinched his fist. "Don't talk about her like that."_

_"Dude you finally get to kiss that hot best friend of yours!" Another teammate chimed in. "If you don't want to do her then I will."_

_"I'm fucking serious. Don't any one of you guys touch her."_

_"Alright Keller, we get it. She's your girl. You better tap that ass tonight."_

She was shy and timid while he was nervous when she approached him. He had girlfriends before while she never dated. She never kissed anyone and it made her heartbeat quickly and nervously. She had three older guys looking out for her and sometimes she wished they didn't.

He was her first kiss and it was nerve wrecking for her to know that everyone was watching them. He knew that she wanted her first kiss to be with someone special and she wanted the moment to be perfect.

_When they entered the room all eyes were on him. He looked at her and she had a helpless look on her face. She hadn't kissed anyone and he didn't want her first time to be because of some game. _

_She slowly made her way to him while his teammates scattered around the room. Everyone formed a circle around them and waited to see what was going to happen._

_"Catherine you don't have to do this. I'll walk you home."_

_"Vincent..."_

_He bent his knees so that she could whisper in his ear. He had a growth spurt before they started their freshman year and he towered her small frame._

_"I would rather have you be my first kiss than anyone else in this room." Her words came out slightly slurred and she had to hold onto him to keep her balance._

_He stood up and held her shaky hands in his. "You're drunk."_

_She stood on her tiptoes and surprised him by kissing him on the lips. Their school mates howled and whistled, fueling him to do more. His adrenaline kicked in and the alcohol clouded his mind. He knew his older brothers would kick his ass for taking advantage of her but he didn't care at the moment._

_Her heart sped up as she felt his arms wrap around her waist, pulling her close. Her eyes opened when she felt his tongue pushing through between her lips. He opened his eyes and met hers. She nodded her head and gave him permission to continue._

_She closed her eyes and relaxed in his arms as the alcohol made its way through her head. She raised her arms over his shoulders and opened her mouth as she felt his tongue pushing through. She stood on her tiptoes and moved her hands up to the back of his neck, pulling his head down lower. Their kiss deepened and she licked his tongue as he had done hers._

_He pulled away when he heard someone yell some obscenity._

_"Go fuck her already Keller. She's willing to give it up..."_

_He walked up to his teammate and punched him on the face. "Don't ever talk about her again."_

_She rushed to him and forced him to look at her. "It's okay Vincent. Let's go."_

_"Alright Keller. You the man." Someone else yelled as they walked away from everyone._

_She tightened her grip on his hand. "Don't. It's not worth it."_

_He walked her home and they both had a lot to think about after that night. He kissed her cheek and waited for her to turn on her bedroom light before walking home._

They were best friends and they never saw each other as more until that night. Weeks later they became the inseparable couple that their school mates envied. He was a high school jock while she was in the lead to become their class valedictorian. She was beautiful and smart while he was the kind-hearted jock who stayed away from mischief that his teammates couldn't stay away from.

They called him "whipped" but he didn't care, he had someone he loved spending most of his days with and he chose to spend his free time with her instead of his teammates. They mostly did homework and studied since his grades were slipping. He'd sneak in a kiss every now and then and they'd make out for a while. Sometimes things got out of hand and each time it did they went further and further but she always stopped him short of sex. She wasn't ready yet and he never pressured her even after one year of dating.

_"I'm sorry Vincent." She'd tell him as she picked up her clothes and put them on._

_He watched her dress and she blushed as she caught his eyes._

_"I'm sorry. I got carried away. I would never force you to have sex." He put on his boxers but it didn't hide his hard on._

_"I have to go. It's almost curfew." She apologetically told him._

_"I'll walk you home."_

_"It's okay Vincent besides you should take care of that." She points down at his crotch. She kissed him good night and left his room._

On his sixteenth birthday she surprised him by not pushing him away. She lost her virginity to him and he to her.

_She was lying on her stomach on his bed while reading The Great Gatsby, an assigned book for their English class. He was taking a shower after having come home from football practice that ran an hour later than usual. He entered his room with only a towel wrapped around his waist. She was wearing a gray tank top and denim shorts that cut off an inch below her butt._

_He carefully laid on top of her and carried his weight on both arms._

_She dog-eared her page and closed her book. She set it down carefully on his nightstand and turned to face him._

_"Happy birthday Vincent Ryan Keller." She raised her head until their lips met._

_He kissed her back and moved his legs until he was perfectly wedged between hers. He slipped his arms underneath her and pulled her closer. She tipped her head back and exposed her neck to him. He quickly lowered his lips and started to suck on her neck, giving her one of his infamous hickey that she always tried to hide with make up._

_He kissed her lips when he was done and smiled as she pulled his head back down. They kissed and made out until she was half naked underneath him._

_"Vincent...I want to have sex."_

_He pulled away and transferred his weight to his arms. "Are you sure? Catherine, I'm not pressuring you. I hope you know that."_

_"I know. There's no one else I want my first time to be with." She ran her fingers through his hair and looked into his eyes. "I love you Vincent and I trust you."_

_"I love you too Catherine but please think about it. I don't mind waiting until you're ready." He stroked her cheek and softly kissed her lips._

_"You've been ready." She replied back._

_"I'm a teenage boy who thinks about sex as often as I see you, which is most of the day. I know how important this is for you. I want our first time to be special as well."_

_"It will be special because my first time will be with you."_

_"You do know that I've never had sex before right? This will be my first time too."_

_"I thought...you guys are always talking about it."_

_"They're always talking about it. Not me. Catherine, I would never do that to you. What we do is our business."_

_"I guess now I know why they're always calling me a prude."_

_"Trust me you are no prude..." He leaned down and kissed her on the lips. "If only they knew that you sneak out and go to your boyfriend's house after your parents falls asleep."_

_"To sleep." She finishes for him._

_"Is that what you call last night?"_

_Her cheeks turned red. "You asked for one and technically it was midnight so it was your birthday."_

_"Catherine, you don't have to explain anything to me. I was there. Are you sure you want to have sex?"_

_She nodded her head. "I'm sure Vincent."_

_"Okay let me lock the door. I have to keep the TV on so they don't hear us since someone moans pretty loud."_

_"I do not."_

_"Trust me, you do but I don't mind. It lets me know I'm doing something right." He kissed her lips then got up. He wrapped his towel around his waist and walked to his door to lock it. He walked to his closet and pulled out a box of condoms he kept hidden._

_He threw his towel down when he reached the foot of his bed. He broke the box open while Catherine removed the rest of her clothing. He ripped the plastic packaging and placed it on his tip. He slowly unrolled it and smoothed it out._

_He nervously crawled over to her and she spread her legs wider as he got closer. He leaned down and covered her body with his. They both shifted and moved until they were comfortable. They both reached down and guided him inside of her. He pushed down until he was fully inside of her._

_"Are you okay?" He asked._

_She nodded her head as tears pricked her eyes. "Go slow."_

_He moved slowly and sometimes pulled out completely by accident. They were both new at it and was still learning. He finally found his rhythm and knew how far to pull out before pushing back in._

_"I love you Catherine." He kissed her lips and started to thrust faster when he felt himself almost losing it._

_"I love you too Vincent." She grabbed the sheets as she felt a strong overwhelming feeling rolling through her body._

_He was breathless after emptying himself in the condom. He didn't have much to say afterwards. She gave him the best birthday gift ever. He walked her to her house and kissed her good night._

_"Since it's still technically my birthday, do you think you can sneak out later?"_

_She smiled and walked into the house. She waited for her parents to fall asleep and snuck out through her window. He was waiting for her on his bed wearing only his boxers. She immediately knew what he wanted and they had sex again then fell asleep in each other's arms._

_He never forgot his sixteenth birthday and she never forgot hers as he bought her a promise ring. Little did she know that he would break every promise he ever made to her._

During senior year they hardly saw one another as the other was busy with clubs or sports and college prep or training for the scouts. They set aside weekends for each other but she started to work at the local mall and she was usually tired after her shift.

He surprised her at work for her birthday and brought her flowers and balloons. He stayed at the mall until her shift was over and walked her to her car.

_He placed the bouquet of flowers and balloons in the back seat of her car. He opened the driver side door for her and stepped back._

_"Thank you for the flowers." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his lips. "I'll come by your house later."_

_His eyes lit up. "Yea?" He asked. They hadn't made love in over three weeks, since his birthday. "If you're tired you don't have to come over."_

_"I want to Vincent. I love you." She kissed him on the lips and got in her car. "Don't forget about dinner with my family. Tuscan Balcony at seven."_

_He bent down and kissed her on the lips. "I'll be there. I love you." He closed the door and watched her drive away._

A month later he received the worst news of his life, his parents death, who died in a car crash that night during a rain storm. It was a multiple car crash and his parents were the only fatality. He was only seventeen when he lost them. Catherine tried her best to console him but he only pushed her away, so far that he ended up joining the Army without telling her.

_"I enlisted with the Army." He paced her room as he told her._

_She sat on her bed as she heard the news. "Why Vincent?" She asked him._

_"I have to get out of here."_

_"What about your scholarship?" She had a worried look on her face. He had worked hard to earn his football scholarship. She stayed up all night to help him study even though sometimes they got carried away and ended up making love in the wee hours of the night._

_"I already called them and turned it down. I'm leaving for boot camp a week after graduation."_

_"That's in three weeks." Tears rolled off her cheeks as she looked up at him._

_He stopped pacing and sat next to her. "I'll be back but I can't stay here right now."_

_"What about me? Us?"_

_"Nothing is going to change with us. I love you Catherine but I have to do this for me. Do you love me?"_

_"You know I do Vincent." She wiped her tears and leaned on him._

_He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. We still have three weeks before I leave."_

_"I have to finish my Economics project. I'll see you at school." She was completely heart-broken and devastated. She stood up and walked across the room to her door. She opened it for him as she wiped her tears._

_He stood up and walked to her. "I'm not leaving." He placed his hand over hers and closed the door then turned the lock. "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me you'll wait for me."_

_"You broke your promise first."_

_He wrapped her up in his arms and lifted her off her feet. "Quit being stubborn. Tell me you love me."_

_"I hate you." She tells him._

_He loosens his arms around her and her feet falls back to the ground. "That hurts Catherine. You don't mean it. Tell me you don't." He pulled her close and looked into her tearful green eyes. _

_"I don't mean it but I want to. You're leaving me."_

_"I told you I'll be back. I would never hurt you."_

_"You promise?" She asked._

_"I promise." He answered._

She threw him a going away party before he left for boot camp made love over and over until the sun came up.

_He held her closer to him and rolled them over until he hovered over her._

_"I'm going to miss you Vincent."_

_"I'll be back before you know it." He leaned down and kissed her lips. "I have to get ready. I love you Catherine."_

_"I love you too." She replied._

_Tears rolled of her cheeks as they dropped him off at the recruiting place. He kissed her long and hard then said his final goodbye._

_"Bye beautiful." He wiped her tears and kissed her softly on the lips. "I love you."_

He was a fool to let her slip from his fingers. She was the one constant thing in his life and he treated her like shit. He made her miserable when she did all she could to make him happy. She flew out for his boot camp graduation without him asking her. She waited for him when he left for boot camp and each time he served his tour.

She was the best thing in his life and he really truly wanted her back. He could only hope that the next twenty-four hours with her will help her see how much he has changed.

There was a knock on his bedroom door.

"Come in." He answers.

The door opens and the butler he hired for the week to help him prepare for today makes an announcement. "Sir, Mrs. Chandler will be here in half an hour."

"Thank you Morris. Tell her to make herself feel at home. I have a conference call and will take a shower afterwards."

"I'll let her know sir."

"Please call me Vincent."

Morris closes the door leaving him all alone with his thoughts. He picks up his cell and calls his secretary. He spends the next fifteen minutes talking to Nathaniel and a client. William was to upset with him to join the conversation. They love Catherine too much to see her get hurt again but he was their brother. The conference call ended with the client choosing Nathaniel's idea for their cologne ad.

He hops in the shower and washes himself. His hands start to shake as he thought about the outcome of their twenty-four hours together. He couldn't lose her again but was he willing to be just friends again?

How he missed her so much...how she felt against him as he held her. How her hand fit perfectly in his. How she looked when she wakes up. How her cheeks turn rosey when blushing. How her laugh was loud and contagious causing him to laugh as well.

He shuts of the water and draws the curtain open. "Cat...Catherine..."

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**Review?**

**Might be the second to the last chapter.**


	3. Not really sure how to feel about it

**A/N: Italics are flashbacks. Fic will switch on and off between present and past narration.**

**It will go back to Catherine's perspective plus more background/history. She's still in the limousine looking at the rest of photo album basically part 2 of the limousine ride.**

**This fic is not in chronological order. Sorry if it gets confusing (a part of this story/fic was written while I was drinking in Hawaii).**

* * *

She traces her smile in the picture. She was wearing a red dress and her Prom date a red dress shirt with a black tie to match with her. Nathaniel had stepped in place of Vincent, who refused to go to their Prom and instead spent the weekend in a cabin with his teammates, who also boycotted the shindig. It was their last "hoorah" and most of them didn't have girlfriends to force them to go to Prom.

_"I'm not going to the Prom." He absemtmindedly told her as he continued to play his game that she purchased for him. The game console was a Christmas gift from her as well. She had been patient with him since his parents death but she was slowly losing hope for their relationship._

_Tears formed in her eyes and escaped as she got up from his bed then sat next to him on the edge. "What the hell are you talking about Vincent? I already have the tickets and I just bought my dress and shoes. You promised me."_

_He turned to her for a second then turned his attention back to the TV. "The guys and I are going to J.T.'s parents cabin for the weekend instead."_

_She got up from his bed and blocked the TV. She stood with her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes stared at the guy she was slowly losing. "J.T., the guy your teammates always make fun of?"_

_"He tutors some of them and turns out they actually like him. He offered the cabin. Why are you mad?"_

_"Why am I mad? Are you fucking kidding me, Vincent? You just told me you'd rather spend time with the guys instead of going to the Prom with me."_

_He finally put the controller down and walked to her. "You can still go. Why don't you ask Nathan? He's within age limit and I'm sure the school will grant him permission to go. He was the first quarterback to not lose a single game during his senior year." He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. "You know I hate to dance. I'll make it up to you. I'll dance as many times as you want me to on our wedding day."_

_She was like putty in his hands. He knew exactly what words to say to soften her up again. Before his parents death, they had talked about marriage and how many kids they wanted. There was no exact plan but he promised some day that he would marry her. _

_"I'll turn off my game and we can do whatever you want today. I love you, beautiful."_

_He kissed her lips and wiped her tears._

_"I love you too, Vincent."_

She should have known then what kind of relationship they would have. Since his parents death he had a hard time talking about his feelings and kept pushing her away but reeled her back in with sweet talk and promises that he later broke.

He was like a roller coaster that had too many unexpected twist and turns that made her delirious but she couldn't get herself to get off the ride. She loved him too much and their dream of a future together kept her hoping for her Vincent to return, the sweet guy she fell in love with.

He came back now and then. Traces of him still lingered and she held on to that even while she was hurting because of what he had become, an asshole alcoholic. His self destruction was her undoing, losing herself in the process of trying to save him. He unknowingly broke her and dragged her into the darkness with him.

Her light became his two older brothers who stayed in her life even after she broke up with him. They called her everyday after she moved in with Tess. Sometimes when Nathaniel or William wasn't too tired from work they would take her out to dinner or order take out and ate at her apartment since she barely took care of herself. She was too worried about Vincent who still refused help.

_"Sweetheart you have to stop worrying about him and start worrying about yourself." Nathaniel told her as he started to unpack the bag of Thai take out food. He sat next to her on the couch as he handed her the container of shrimp pad thai and chopsticks to eat it with._

_"I can't help it. He was my first...everything. We even talked about getting married and having kids." Tears rolled off her cheeks. "I still care about him."_

_"I know you do but you have to take care of yourself too or you'll see more of me and Will. Do you really want that? We'll shoo of guys faster than you can say no." He said teasingly._

_She smiled, a small tiny smile that she couldn't help._

_"There goes the Catherine I know." He wiped her tears and softly stroked her cheeks. "Will and I miss you. By the way he's coming by tomorrow night."_

_"You guys don't have to."_

_"We want to." He simply answered._

_"Thanks Nathan."_

_They ate then watched TV afterwards. She drifted off to sleep as she laid her head on his lap. He carefully got off the couch when the front door opened. He placed a finger over his lips, signaling Tess to be quiet. He picked Catherine up and carried her to her room. He gently placed her on the bed and tucked her in._

_She stirred as she felt his lips on her forehead. "Go back to sleep sweetheart."_

_"I don't want to be alone tonight."_

_He nodded his head and sat up on the other side. He fell asleep while sitting up and regretted it as his neck and back hurt like hell the next morning._

_"Good morning." She sat up next to him and laid her head on his shoulder._

_"I wish I can say the same sentiment. My neck and back is killing me."_

_"Why didn't you lay down?" She turned her head and looked at him._

_"Sweetheart I respect you."_

She was thankful for the both of them. They never stopped helping her or Vincent, who eventually entered rehab and volunteered to stay longer. During his first week there was the worst one in her life. She received a phone call from her mom at two in the afternoon while she was working. Her father had been shot by a suspect that he was chasing and later died in the hospital.

She became a cop because of what happened to her father. Her world turned upside down once more and her broken heart shattered again.

Vincent was in rehab and they all decided it was best to wait until he got out to tell him. The two older Keller's became her family's rock. They helped Mrs. Chandler out with the funeral arrangements since she was the one that helped them when their parents died. They never thought that they would have to go through another death so soon.

After her father's funeral her and her sister drank with the two Keller brothers. Heather passed out first and William carried her to her room then went home a little after since he had an early conference call with clients the following morning. He gave Nathaniel the day off since he knew Catherine needed someone.

Nathaniel had been her rock and support system when she and Vincent broke up and after her dad was murdered. He showed up when she needed him. He listened when she cried herself to sleep. He held her when she was too broken to stand on her own. He constantly reassured her that he would always be there for her.

Nathaniel stayed with Catherine and kept drinking with her. She stayed at home for a few more days after the funeral but it hurt too much and it was too awkward with her and Nathaniel so she went back to her apartment in the city. They had too much to drink that night and things escalated quickly. She pushed him until he bent and finally confessed. She too, found out something about herself that night.

_"I still can't believe it." She cried and reached for the glass of drink but knocked it down instead._

_"I think you've had enough sweetheart." Nathaniel stood from his seat and wiped the table. "Let's get you to your room."_

_She leaned her small body into his as they walked to her bedroom. He held her up and held her tightly against him as they walked through the halls. He tucked her in bed as he always does and leaned down to kiss her forehead._

_"Don't leave me." Her voice was soft and low, broken in so many ways._

_"I'll always be here for you."_

_"Can you stay?" She asked him._

_"Anything for you." He walked to the other side of the bed and sat up next to her._

_She turned and looked up at him. "Hold me."_

_He closed his eyes and clenched his fist. He couldn't. He shouldn't._

_She placed her hand on his fist. "Please."_

_He looked down at her and looked into her eyes. He hated seeing her cry. She had been through so much._

_"Of course." He let his body slide down and laid down next to her. He rolled to his side and threw his arms over her body. "I'm sorry sweetheart." He wiped her tears and pulled her closer._

_"Don't leave me too." She begged of him._

_"I'll never leave you." He tightened his grip on her._

_"You promise Nathan?"_

_"I promise." He answered. "You'll always be my sweetheart." He kissed her cheek then her forehead._

_He held her close and tight as she cried in his arms. "What can I do to make you feel better?" He asked._

_She removed the blanket off her warm body and inched her way closer to him. He closed his eyes as he felt her heat against his body. His pulse quickened as he felt the warmth of her breath on his neck. She pressed her lips to his skin and buried her face on the crook of his neck, slowly breathing in his scent._

_He threw his arms across her torso and placed his hand on the small of her back, gently squeezing the fabric of her dress as her lips glided over his pulsing skin. She slowly made her way up to his cheek and lightly pressed kisses along his jaw._

_He opened his eyes as she paused and met her eyes that was staring back at him.__ She kissed his lips and slid her hand between them, to his rapid beating heart. There was no denying that there was something between them._

_"Sweetheart...I'm drunk and you're drunk. We shouldn't..."_

_She ran her fingers through his hair. "Why can't we? We're both single adults."_

_He brushed her hair away from her face and wiped her tears. "You're his girl."_

_"I'm nobody's girl."_

_"I don't want you to regret anything."_

_"Life's too short." She quickly replied. Tomorrow wasn't promised and she's heard too many of them. She kissed his lips again and brought her hands up to the nape of his neck. She pulled his head down and he reacted this time._

_He moved his hand up along her back and rolled them over until she was pinned underneath him. "Is this what you really want?"_

_"I want you Nathan." She jerked her hips up and felt his bulge between her legs. "As much as you want me."_

_"So badly..."_

_She pulled his head down and he kissed her as he never had before. He opened his mouth and pushed his tongue inside of hers. She moaned at the taste of his tongue and the sensation it brought as the alcohol mixed in. She gasped at the feel of his body pressing hard against hers and reacted as he started to thrust his hips._

_He had a firm touch but gentle hands as he brought it down to her legs. Her dress skirted up as he moved his hands higher to her thighs until he felt the fabric of her thong hugging her waist._

_He paused and looked down at her. His eyes were troubled but curious and lustful. He had green eyes like hers which set him apart from his two brothers. He had a scar above his left eyebrow from when he got into a fight when protecting her. Some guy had called her a slut at Prom for taking him instead of Vincent, who refused to go._

_"Are you sure?" He asked._

_She kissed his scar and dragged her lips down to his nose. She kissed his lips and pulled his head back down, deepening their kiss. "Make love to me Nathan."_

_"Don't worry sweetheart, I'll treat you right."_

_He took his time getting to know her body, kissing every inch as his hands gently caressed her soft skin. He meticulously kissed her from head to toe and paid attention to what she liked, repeating it as she wished. His hands were gentle and thorough as he learned her curves, touching every inch of her body that she offered and she wilted in his expertise as she felt his fingers caressing her sensitive areas._

_He pleasured her body and smiled as she smiled at him. The Catherine he knew was back for a moment. "I love you Catherine."_

_"I love you too Nathaniel."_

_He held both of her hands as he entered her and slowly made love to her. He treated her like a lover and made sure all her needs were fulfilled before giving into his. He held her closely as they fell asleep in each others arms._

_She woke up to him staggering out of bed and falling to the floor. He stood up and looked at her naked body. "What the fuck...sweetheart I'm sorry..." Guilt was written all over his face as he realized what they had done. "I didn't mean to take advantage of you. Will is going to kill me." He paced back and forth as his morning wood bounced._

_She got up from her bed and grabbed his arm. She stood in front of him with his hard on pressed against her stomach. "Nathan, stop."_

_"Sweetheart, I fucked up. I was suppose to take care of you."_

_"You didn't do anything wrong." She cupped his face and stroked his cheeks._

_"You were vulnerable...I should have stopped..."_

_"I didn't want you to. Nathan, I initiated it. Not you. I have no regrets about last night."_

_"You don't?" He asked._

_"Only that I waited too long."_

_He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. "I meant what I said. I love you Catherine." _

_"I love you Nathaniel."_

_He placed his forehead on hers. "But we can't be together." He said softly._

_"I know." She replied and tears streamed down her cheeks. _

_"I'm sorry sweetheart. I never meant to hurt you. You know I would never. If things were different..."_

_She nodded her head. "I know. It's okay. I understand."_

_He wiped her tears and kissed her lips. "Do you want me to stay?" _

_"You know I do but we both know you can't."_

_He quickly dressed and left her room._

_Who would have thought that she would have fallen for another Keller._

_She showered and dressed but all she could think about was Nathaniel and what he said to her. Deep in her heart she meant what she said too. She loved Nathaniel Ian Keller._

_She went next door and used her key to get into the house. She walked upstairs and turned the corner to his bedroom. She wiped her tears and knocked on his door. "Nathan it's Catherine."_

_He showered after getting home and called Catherine about not using a condom. She assured him she was still on the pills but it didn't make him feel any less guilty. He wanted to be with her but knew they couldn't._

_He got up from his bed and put on a shirt. He unlocked his door and opened it._

_She stood in front of him with eyes of full of tears that he knew was because of him, of what he had done last night. Neither one could take back their words or hide the feelings they had._

_"Sweetheart..." He took her in his arms and hugged her. "I'm sorry..." _

_She cut him off by kissing his lips. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He kicked his door shut and locked it._

_Today she was his girl. "I'm yours." She told him._

_He laid her down gently on the bed and softly kissed her lips. She opened her mouth and offered herself to him once more. He tasted every crevice of her mouth and swallowed her sweet words of adoration for him._

_He studied her naked body with his eyes, lips and hands. He tasted and touched every inch of her soft luscious skin. He placed featherlight kisses on her stomach up the valley of her breasts, barely touching her as she moaned and came under the command of his lips and hands. He pleased and pleasured her body without asking for anything in return._

_"I love you...I always have." He confessed._

_She squeezed his hands as he entered her. He treated her body the way it should have been treated. He made love to her the way she deserved, slow and deep, caressing her body with his as he kissed her lips feverishly._

_She wrapped her legs tighter as he started to thrust his hips faster. She could no longer count the orgasms he made her succumb to. _

_"I love you Nathaniel." She called out as they both came._

_He kissed her lips as he felt the pleasures of their bodies subsiding. She whimpered as he slowly pulled out. _

_He rolled them over and placed her on top of him. She slid her body higher and kissed his lips. She smiled at him and he smiled back. He lazily wrapped his arms around her and placed his hands on the small of her back._

_"I missed you and your smile sweetheart."_

_"You make me happy." She answered._

_"I wish things were different." He raised his head until their lips met._

_"Me too." She told him as she kissed him back._

_"Don't forget how much I love you." He held her tighter. "I'll always be here for you Catherine but I understand if you need some time."_

_"You know me to well." She lay her head down on his chest and let the tears flow from her eyes._

_"Don't take too long sweetheart. I hate to not have you in my life. You've been the best part of my days. I always looked forward to seeing you. I'm going to miss that."_

_She raised her head to look at him. "Why didn't you say anything?" She asked._

_"I love you too much to hurt you." He answered. "You know I would never, right?"_

_"I really wish things were different." She kissed his lips and moaned as she felt his hands slowly crawling up her back. "We still have the rest of day."_

_"Until Will comes back home. I highly doubt he would be too pleased seeing you and I naked together." _

_A small smile crept to her lips. "Then let's make the most of it."_

_"What do you want to do?"_

_"Stay here in your arms."_

_"That can be easily done. Anything else?"_

_"You promise not to leave me?" She asked._

_"You'll always be my sweetheart. You'll never be alone, I promise."_

They decided to keep their one day affair a secret and had a hard time getting over each other. They talked on the phone everyday after she moved back to her apartment. He checked in on her when she permitted and he held her until they both fell asleep on her bed. It took every ounce of strength not to kiss her, not to make love to her and tell her how much he loved her but he managed it somehow.

She tried her hardest not to entice or tease him especially when he was so close to her. He had a baby face when asleep and the sweetest smile that greeted her in the morning. His arms were strong when holding her and lips soft when he brushed it against her when moving in his sleep.

They gave in once, after Tess had left for work. They made love over and over until night fell. She cried in his arms because they both knew it couldn't happen again. She kissed him goodbye and told him she loved him. He picked her up and carried her to her bed. They made love once more and he held her until she fell asleep.

He left her before Tess came home and promised he would be back someday. He left her a letter telling her how much he loved her and how lucky he was to have her in his life. He promised to always be there and that he was just a phone call away. He went home and drank because he knew he couldn't see or talk to her for some time.

It took awhile but they managed to get their friendship back on track. He never left her and always had time for her even after he started to date again.

She met someone before Vincent was released from rehab. They met during Tess's birthday party. She wanted to take things slow especially after all the heart break she had suffered. They started of as friends who hung out now and then, even though in everyone's eyes it was dating. She hated to label it and he never forced her.

_"We're just friends Tess. We both have busy schedules so we hang out when we can." She told her roommate as she poured coffee into her mug._

_Tess sat at the kitchen table and turned to her Catherine who was standing by the kitchen counter. "These are very thin walls Cat. I had to turn my TV and radio up so that I wouldn't hear the two of you having sex."_

_Catherine's cheeks turned bright pink._

_"I'm happy for you and Evan but next time will you please text me so I know not to come home."_

_"Next time we're going to his place." Catherine answered._

Things moved quickly after they learned she was pregnant. They moved in together and started to plan a wedding. Just before twelve weeks she suffered a miscarriage. They went through with the wedding when they realized how much they loved each other. The baby would come when they were both ready.

Things went downhill when he lost his job after a five year old girl died on his table. The parents sued the hospital and Dr. Evan Marks was fired because he was too much of a liability for them.

They tried to make it work but it was difficult when she was working so many hours. Their two year anniversary was around the corner and they had no plans. His parents surprised them with the cruise. It felt like old times when they first started dating but old times was quickly cut short when she saw Vincent across the pool staring at her and her husband.

A month later the unexpected happened. Her husband was meeting with her ex-boyfriend.

_She was exhausted from her shift especially after only getting a couple of hours of sleep. She stayed up late to finish her paper and now she was paying the price for procrastinating. It had only been one month since they came back from the cruise and she already wanted to go on another vacation._

_She yawned as she greeted her husband who was sitting quietly on the living room couch. _

_"Hi babe." She kissed his lips and sat next to him._

_"Cat...I have a way to make a million dollars."_

_Her eyes grew larger and she stared deep into his blue eyes. "Evan what are you talking about?"_

_"A week ago someone came up to me with a proposal, said he saw us on the cruise."_

_She knew immediately who he was. "What does he want?"_

_"You. For one day." Her husband answered._

_She was shocked to say the least. "Evan, I'm not for sale."_

_"Just meet with him and use your instinct to see if he's a good guy or not. Cat it's a million dollars and we can really use it."_

_"I'm not a prostitute you can pimp around." She argued._

_"He doesn't want sex." He countered. He was tired of not being able to work._

_"You're trusting a guy that you don't even know?"_

_"No one wants to hire me after what happened." He sighed._

_"It was the nurse that gave her the wrong drugs. How were you suppose to know?" _

_"It doesn't matter Cat. With the money I can start my own practice. I wouldn't ask this but what else can we do? We have loans and mortgage that we can barely afford. Why don't you meet with Mr. Keller?" He took her hand and held it in his._

_"Mr. Keller?" He didn't even bother to hide his identity._

_"He said he was related to the Keller brothers, a cousin or some long lost relative. Maybe you know him."_

_"I only know the two brothers." She lied to her husband, who was willing to let her spend a night with another guy. "I need to be alone right now." She walked to their bedroom and locked the door. She turned on the radio and changed it to her favorite station._

_It seemed like the only person to ever treat her right was the one that she couldn't be with. Sometimes she wandered what it would have been like if her and Nathaniel didn't give up so easily._

The limo door opens and she was greeted by another man in a suit. "Welcome to Mr. Keller's estate. He's been waiting for you." He offers his arms for assistance.

"Thank you." She places her hand on his and carefully slides out of the limousine.

"Enjoy your stay Mrs. Chandler." The chauffeur calls out to her.

She turns back to the car and sticks her head in. "Thank you."

"Mrs. Chandler, Mr. Keller is in the bath but he says to make yourself feel at home."

She turns back to Morris. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."

"Morris, ma'am." He offers his arms once more, forming a whole as he places his hand on his hip.

"Please call me Catherine."

She loops her arm around his and they walk up the brick driveway.

"You sound just like Mr. Keller. Now I understand why he had to do this."

"Why is that?" She asks.

"Regret is a cruel thing. Hope is paralyzing but sometimes it's all we have. I believe Mr. Keller's heart is filled with regrets but hopes for the best tonight. I understand him but you, ma'am?"

"I wish to give him closure." She answers. Vincent had once been the love of her life but the girl that loved him had grown up. She was no longer the teenager who's first kiss, who's first love and who's first time having sex, was all one person.

He had hurt her too much and if it wasn't for his brothers she still would be at home not living a life she deserved.

"There's no such thing for a man deep in love. The only closure he seeks is to marry the woman he loves."

"I'm already married." She answers.

"I apologize if I offended you Mrs. Chandler."

"Not at all. The truth is, my marriage is falling apart."

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**A/N: Reviews? Comments? Go for it.**


	4. It takes me all the way

**A/N: Stay by Rihanna. Listen. It will explain my thoughts on the story. It will be dark, complex and twisted.**

**Synopsis: People going through a lost of a loved one(s) and each reacting in their own way. Broken souls. Broken people with broken hearts. **

**Italics are flashbacks that characters are actually thinking.**

**Catherine was thinking about Nathaniel because he didn't sell her off to someone and he didn't buy her off from her husband. It does not mean she loved him more or loved Vincent less.**

**I wrote Chapter 3 knowing full well that not many or any will like it but it's there to explain the complexity of Catherine's character. It's okay if you didn't like it. I don't mind at all. There's also no need to apologize. I completely understand.**

**Catherine's not a slut or a whore. Months have passed from the time she broke up with Vincent and fell for Nathan. A couple months passes from her time with Nathan and meeting Evan. I wrote it all in one chapter to show how jumbled up her thoughts are. She's in a situation where her husband has sold her and her ex was the one to buy her. It isn't an ideal situation but one she put herself in since she choose to meet Vincent.**

**And now the meeting...**

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It had been four years and ten months since they last spent time together in the same room. Leaving him was one one of the hardest thing she had to do. He had been broken and fragile because of all the deaths that surrounded him but he hurt her too much and she could no longer handle the pain he put her through. He broke another promise, one too many for her to endure.

_"It's over Vincent." She walked out the door and closed it behind her._

Many times there was an overwhelming feeling to run back to him and so many nights she cried on her bed because she still loved him. They had dreamt of a future together, that one day they would marry and have kids. She believed all of his promises and never thought he could ever hurt her but he was the one that broke her. He was her very first heart break.

Vincent was her first kiss, first love and the guy she lost her virginity to. He was her everything, the person she counted on, no matter how stupid or little her problem was. He listened while she PMS'ed and found it cute when she got angry over dumb shit. He always surprised her on her birthdays and loved spending time with her. He wanted to make love instead of just sex, though sometimes he got horny at the oddest moments, while doing their geometry homework, while watching scary movies with her and once while he was helping her rake the leaves in the front yard. That was the Vincent she fell in love with and the Vincent she lost when his parents died.

Her life had been a mess and the one thing to make any sort of sense was the never ending support she received from his brothers, granted she loved one of them. Nathaniel was the one constant and solid foundation in her life. Even though they had their in between limbo moment they eventually became friends again. Sometimes she wondered what could have been. What if she pushed him to give it a chance? Nathaniel choose his brother over her and she understood because for many years she stood by Vincent as well.

She sits on the bathroom counter with a razor and scissor to her right and a can of shaving cream to her left. Morris had told her that he hadn't kept himself prim and proper. She didn't know what made her do it but she felt obligated to help him.

He shuts off the water and pulls the shower curtain open. "Cat...Catherine..." He puts his hands down, quickly covering himself. He had been thinking about her the whole time he was in the shower and didn't realize she had come in. "I didn't hear you." He tells her as he looks at her.

"Vincent I've seen you naked and hard before." She keeps her eyes on his. Usually she would be turned on. Seeing him wet and naked always did but this time all she felt was sympathy for him.

His eyes were sunken against his long hair and fully grown beard. He didn't care to fix himself after he saw her with her husband on the cruise. The only thing he wanted was to have her back in his life.

"It's different now. You're with someone else." He grabs a towel from the rack to his right, while trying to cover his private part with his left. He wraps the towel around his waist and steps out of the tub.

"Isn't this why you paid my husband and I a million dollars because you wanted to sleep with me?" She ask, in a matter of fact tone.

"I don't want just sex." He stands in place and doesn't move. So much time had passed between them but none of the feelings and love he felt for her had never gone away. She was his first and only love. "I just wanted to spend some time with you Catherine, even if it is just for one day. It's worth a million dollars."

"Come here." She tells him.

He stares at his own reflection as he walks towards her. Since he saw her at the cruise a month ago he had let himself go. He didn't bother to cut his hair or shave his face. It was as if she had walked out on him again and he had no idea what to do with himself. He drank more than he should have and it was as if years had never gone by.

He stands in front of her and stops as she puts her hand up, stopping him about a foot away.

"No alcohol." She tells him. "The moment I smell it on your breath I'm leaving."

He nods his head.

"I mean it Vincent. When I leave I won't come back."

"I promise."

"I don't want your promises." She says bitterly. She was tired of them especially from him. "Just don't drink while I'm here."

"Okay. I'll let Morris know. Anything else?"

"We're not having sex within the next twenty-four hours. I'm not a whore nor can I be bought."

"We're not?" He asked disappointedly. He didn't expect to but he at least hoped to fantasize about it while they were together.

"That's not why I came here for. If you want I can leave now." She brings her hand down and sets both of them on her lap.

"It's not what I meant Catherine. I never expected us to. I'm sorry if I made you feel like a whore or a prostitute, that was never my intention. Will told me that I shouldn't call you and that I'll just make a mess of things. So I hired a private detective and found out you were in debt. That's why I approached your husband."

"My husband sold me to you, so how do you think I feel right now Vincent?" She was pissed but it was also her doing. She choose to meet him. She also did it to piss off her husband.

"I don't know. Hurting you was never my intention." He takes one final footstep to get closer to her. "Catherine, I love you."

She opens her mouth but nothing comes out.

"I never stopped." He continued. "I never forgot about you."

"I've moved on." She simply answers.

"I know." He sighs and clenches his fists at his sides. "Was this a mistake?"

"It depends on what you expected out of it."

"To talk."

"Here we are." She states.

"Yes, here we are." He answers. "Don't you ever think about us? We were good back then, weren't we?"

"Vincent I'm no longer the girl you remember. The girl that once loved you is long gone. That girl you love grew up and moved on." She brushed his hair with his fingers and combed it out of his face. On his forehead to his scalp, about three inches long was a newer scar. She gently traces it with her thumb.

"A bar fight." He answers.

"You need help Vincent."

"I need you Catherine." He brings his hands and she shakes her head, telling him no.

She brings her hand back down to her lap. "I have to be honest with you before we go any further. There was another guy before I met my husband. Someone I loved and that loved me too."

"I don't care. He was your past."

"He's still in my life."

"Why are you telling me this?" He asks.

"You need to know exactly who it is you think you love." She tells him.

"Who is it?"

"One of your brothers."

His breathing becomes louder and heavier. He places his clenched fists beside her thighs on the counter, pushing the items that were neatly placed beside her. His nose flares as he glares at her. "WHY? WHO? DID YOU CHEAT ON ME WITH HIM? DID YOU FUCK HIM?" He asks angrily.

She brings her left hand up to his right cheek, slapping him. "Fuck you Vincent."

You have, he thought to himself.

"I never cheated on you. And you have no right. I loved him and he loved me. Yes we made love and it felt to great to be wanted again. Nothing became of it because he chose you over me. He couldn't hurt his brother so he chose to leave me. He sacrificed his happiness for you. So don't you fucking dare give me your bull shit or tell me he's not worthy to be your brother."

"Why him? Why my brother?" His voice was low and soft, his heart slowly breaking.

"I didn't do it to hurt you or spite you. After we broke up he was the one who was there for me. Who listened and took care of me because I was too worried about you. He was everything I needed then. He picked up the pieces that you broke. Then when Dad died I completely lost it but he was there, as always. Then after the funeral that's when it all changed. We were drunk and I asked him to stay. At first I just wanted to forget but he told me something I didn't expect."

"Nathan told you he loved you." He finished for her.

"How did you know it was him?" She asks, her eyes wide open.

"Will has always been fatherly towards all of us and Nathan...he took you to Prom and got in a fight protecting you. After you moved to the city there were some nights he didn't come home and never said where he was..."

"Nothing happened until Dad's funeral. I realized then I loved him too. I don't regret taking that chance with Nathan. He made me feel worthy of myself again and he made me happy. Don't be mad at him Vincent. I initiated it. Had it not been for me he would have never said anything. I pushed until he bent."

"And I pushed you to him." He says. He opens his hands and places his palms on the counter. He looks up and meets her eyes. "I really don't know you anymore, do I?"

"It's been almost five years. So much has happened that has changed me and made me who I am now. I'm not that teenager that fell in love with you. After you came back from Afghanistan I tried my best to be what you wanted and needed. I loved you so much but you tore me apart." Tears starts to well in her eyes. "I gave you everything but you broke every promise you ever made." Her tears fall as he looks at her. "Being with you hurt and living without you was worse. You kept taking until there was nothing left of me. You took the best part of me that when I was alone I thought there was nothing but darkness and hopelessness. It hurt so bad that I was willing to stay with you just so it wouldn't hurt.

"I'm sorry Catherine...I...I didn't know...I was so damn drunk. I'm not using it as an excuse but I don't remember much except the few times I was sober. Those are the memories I held onto. I remember the good times back when we were in high school. Maybe I love you or maybe I don't but I do know I want you in my life. Can we at least try to be friends?"

"Let's see how the next twenty-four hours go first before we make future plans."

"I really am sorry Catherine but there aren't enough apologies in this world to make it up to you. I was so far gone and too fucked up to remember all the things you just told me... You can leave anytime you want. You don't have to stay here if you don't want to."

"A deal is a deal. Twenty-four hours and that's how long I'm staying."

He nods his head. "Okay. No alcohol. No sex. Anything else?"

"No more talking for now." She picks up the scissors and puts it to his beard. "Keep still."

"You don't have to Catherine."

"Someone has to."

He keeps still and stays quiet as she trims his beard for him. She shortens his hair and leaves the shaving to him since she hasn't done it in awhile.

She strokes his scar which still made him feel insecure. "You're handsome." She tells him.

He smiles at her. "Thanks. Feel free to walk around while I change. Dinner should be ready soon."

She called Nathaniel while Vincent got ready. They talked for a little while and he understood why she had to tell Vincent about them.

Twenty-four hours. She hoped she was ready because she wasn't sure what to expect.

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**A/N: Review? Comment? Question? Go for it.**


	5. Round and around and around we go

**A/N: Thank you for taking your time reading this dark and complicated story. Feel free to stop at any time if you feel uncomfortable.**

**The fic will be extended to a few more chapters.**

**The story will go deeper into the emotions of each characters, past and present. It may be difficult to understand as to why they act or acted the way they did, after all this isn't the Catherine and Vincent from the show. It's a whole different set up and they have different lives from the series.**

**I do not own the lyrics in this chapter.**

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He was quiet during dinner. He didn't say much as he contemplated the things she said to him while they were in the bathroom. There was so much to think about. Time and unfortunate events had changed and molded them to who they are now. They are two people who were once in love and now no longer knows the other.

He had loved her so but he lost himself after his parents death. He pushed her away as far as he could and into the arms of another. He was foolish to believe that no one would ever love such a beautiful and caring girl. After all she had always been Nathaniel's sweetheart since they were in elementary school. It was he who gave her the nickname and William just did it to tease her until she also became his sweetheart.

One day during Junior High while he was sick and at home, it was Nathaniel who stuck up for Catherine after some idiot guys made fun of her for being different. Those who grew up with her knew her mixed nationality and others who were ignorant about different cultures just made fun of her. Nathaniel had gotten suspended for three days for getting into a fight. They stopped making fun of her after that day and everyone knew what would happen if they ever messed with Catherine Anabelle Chandler.

He should have seen it coming, after all, his two older brothers gave him a lecture and a beating for taking advantage of Catherine while she was drunk at a party. He argued that she wanted him to be her first kiss but he only received a punch on the face from William while Nathaniel went next door to talk to her. He was never told what they talked about but all he knew was that Catherine decided to give their relationship a try.

For so many years he held on to the better half of their relationship while she remembered the worst of it. She had endured so much pain and heartache because of him. He had done all the things he said he would never do. He broke every promise he ever made to her but worse of all he shattered the sweet, wide-eye, happy-go-lucky girl he fell in love with. His _Catherine_ was long gone and it was all because of his dumb ass.

He can't undo what he had done and for that he had many regrets. She would have been his wife and they would have had three or four little rugrats running around the house. They would have been happy but instead he was miserable as hell while she had moved on from a dream they once shared.

She gave him all she could, giving all of herself to him and he used her like a prostitute from the street. He fucked her until he felt better about himself, stealing her dignity and self-respect away from her. She cried because of him. She broke because he caused her pain and misery until that was all she could feel. She stayed because of what she thought was still between them, love. It came and went, sometimes she did and sometimes she didn't. There was too much darkness surrounding them and they kept surrendering to it.

Emotionally, he had destroyed her. She cried everyday in the last couple of months of their relationship because he was mostly drunk and she could no longer walk away from the dark abyss that settled upon the both of them.

"I'm sorry Catherine." He tells her as he pulls her chair away from the table. He knew that there was not enough apologies in the world for what he had done to her.

She places her napkin on the table and stands up. "Is that all you're going to be doing all night, apologizing?" She turns to face him but instead of the fun-loving guy she use to know, he was an uncertain man filled with guilt.

"I don't know what else to say." He answers. "I have a very different memory of what we had. I always thought we were happy."

"Once upon a time we were. You changed after your parents accident. I know how close you were to them and how difficult it was for you to grieve but not once did you turn to me and ask for help. Instead you kept pushing me away but I stayed because of how much I loved you."

He sighs and shifts his eyes to hers. "That's when you and Nathan started to hang out more often."

She nods her head. "Will and Heather tagged along as well. It was usually us four when you were out with your friends or while you were overseas. I swear I never cheated on you Vincent."

"I know. I was angry when you told me that you loved one of them...honestly I was jealous. I always thought you would be mine." He tells her.

"And I always thought it would just be me and you but life has a way of disrupting plans. Speaking of, what do you have plan for tonight?"

He shyly smiles at her. "Only if you still want to. It's in the backyard."

"Let's go." She answers.

She takes his left arm and loops her right arm in it. Quietly they walk from room to room. He was stuck in his thoughts while she was waiting for him to start talking. He lets go of her arm and opens the door for her.

The backyard was just how they had planned it. A large open space for their kids to run around although the pool and jacuzzi was an added feature by Vincent. By the pool side, separating the yard and pool, was a deck with a few beach chairs. There was a larger deck hugging the back of the house which was lit with more than a dozen candles.

Her crimson dress, strapless, brightens with each candlelight and was just perfect for her. It hugged her curves at all the right places and revealed the right amount of her flawless skin. The dress flowed down and stopped above her knees. The top half framed her body perfectly and the cut followed the curves of her breast. Her pale skin shimmered underneath the glowing flames, slowly teasing him as he stares at her.

"Like what you see?" She tilts her head to look up at him, her voice low. She had expected more of him but instead he was just a lustful boy who was horny.

His eyes burn with desire and he couldn't help the foolish grin forming on his lips as his mind starts to wander, fantasizing about them making love on the thick blanket of grass then washing off in the jacuzzi. He nods his head as he stares back at her and his pants suit starts to grow.

His suit was simple, black with a white dress shirt and bow tie. He had neatly done his hair in a messy disheveled way, the way she use to do it for him when they were in high school but she did it better.

He clenches his fist as his eyes trail from head to toe and back up again to her eyes that caught a glimpse of his growing bulge.

"Walk away Vincent." She tells him. Disappointedly she sighs.

He nods his head as his eyes continue to stare at her body. "Sorry." He tells her, his voice deep and husky, but he really wasn't sorry. He choose the dress for one reason only and it backfired on him. He walks away from her, to the opposite side of the yard.

She looks around and her eyes lights up with each flame. "What is this?" She asks as she looks in awe at the sight. She hated how he still knew her, the candlelights were a nice surprised though she could without the boner in his pants.

"The Prom you deserve." He simply answers. He presses play on the MP3 player nestled on the speaker dock. He walks back to her and asks for her hand. "May I have this dance?"

She places her hand on his. She looks up at him. "No kissing. I will slap you if you try anything." She tells him.

The song starts and she quickly recognizes the light sounds of guitar and saxophone.

"Understood." He squeezes her hand and closes the gap between their bodies. He holds her right hand in his left and raises it. He wraps his right arm around her waist and pulls her closer, leaving no space between their bodies.

"Don't get too comfortable." She tells him.

He backs away and adds an inch or two between their bodies. "You really have changed."

"I haven't forgiven you." She answers. "But let's just dance."

He leads as she follows. Their bodies sway with the slow melody of the music until the sound of the singers voice starts to tell their story.

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful  
Stop me and steal my breath  
And emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky  
Never revealing their depth

He angles his head down and looks at her. "You look beautiful."

For a short moment she returns his gaze. "If only things were different." She puts her head down on his chest and he gently pulls her closer.

Their bodies move as one as they dance in the flickering candlelights. He knows now that he should have taken her to Prom instead of Nathan, who fell in love with Catherine and she for him.

And tell me that we belong together  
And dress it up with the trappings of love  
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips  
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

She cries on his chest as she starts to wonder about what their life would have been like if he hadn't changed. She hated him for changing and breaking her heart over and over. They had everything, the perfect life or so it seemed, until he pushed her away and broke her heart.

"If I can change the past I would." His voice vibrates through his chest with his regrets seeping out. "I'm truly sorry Catherine."

"Just don't say anything Vincent." Her voice was low and sad.

And I'll be your cryin' shoulder  
I'll be love's suicide  
And I'll be better when I'm older  
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

They dance until the end of the song and quickly comes back down to reality. It was just like old times when she was crying in his arms. He had broken her heart again by simply reminding her of what they use to have.

"You still remember my favorite song." She brings her head up from his chest and looks up at him. Her eyes were red from crying.

"You use to listen to it over and over."

"And now it's just a painful reminder of what we use to have." She pulls away from him and lets go of his hand. "I'm sorry Vincent but I'm going to call it a night."

"I understand. I'll have Morris show you to your room. Goodnight Catherine."

"Goodnight." She walks away from him and towards the direction of the house. She stops in front of the French doors. "Vincent." She turns to face him.

He looks at her, his face hopeful.

"Why don't you walk me to my room?"

A smile, one that he can't help, forms on his lips. "Are you sure?" He asks.

"It's the least you could do, don't you think?" Her sassy attitude was back and he had to admit that he actually likes this new side of Catherine.

She had let him walk all over her before because she loved him too much and he took advantage of her kindness. She threw out the welcome mat and replaced it with another sign, "knock for entry" because there was no fucking way she was going to let someone into her heart without her knowing it

He turns off the music then walks up to her. He opens the French doors for them and she hesitates, making him nervous.

"The candles." She tells him. "Don't want your house to burn down, do we?"

He half smiles and wonders had she always been this way. "I'll be back."

One by one, he blows at them causing the flame to die out. The backyard darkens as the last candlelight vanishes. He walks back to her and leads her inside the house.

"Catherine..." He starts off as they walk across the living room.

"Don't Vincent." She stops him. "Not right now. It's late and I'm tired." She answers.

He sighs. "When are we going to talk?"

She turns to face him. "You want to talk? You had plenty of time during dinner. Why didn't you talk then?"

He shrugs his shoulders and looks down. "Do you hate me?"

She looks up at him. "Honestly you fucked up then by treating me like shit. Then you fucked up by going to my husband and buying me off. I'm angry at the two of you but I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here. So what do you do? You make me wear this dress and like a teenage boy you become horny."

"I'm sorry."

"It seems to be your theme for the night. Just walk me to my room."

They walk quietly through the house and up the long curving stairs. They walk pass his bedroom and past his home office.

"Do you still want to be here tomorrow?" He asks.

"Don't drink tonight." She answers him. "Just let me get some sleep. I worked a ten hour shift and came here afterwards. Seeing you again made my already crappy mood even worse. I'm angry, pissed and tired. Vincent," she sighs. "I wanted to hate you but I never could.

"Then why'd you pick Nathan? I know you don't owe me any explanations but I..."

She cuts him off. "You're right, I don't. I loved Nathan and he loved me. That's all you need to know."

"I...I didn't mean to..." He starts off nervously. "I just...I wanted..."

"Did I do it to hurt you? No, I didn't. It just happened. If I wanted to hurt you that badly I would have pushed him to be with me longer than two damn days." Her eyes starts to well up and she wipes her on coming tears. She had wanted to be with Nathaniel, who treated her the right way without asking for anything in return, except to love him and she did. "He choose you over me. He saw what a wreck you were and didn't want it to happen again. He chose pain over happiness."

"I didn't know. I thought you and him...just two days?" He asks.

"For the most part we were just two friends who loved each other and for two days we gave into that temptation."

"You really loved him." He states.

"As much as my broken heart could feel and love at that time." She answers. "Vincent, just because I loved someone else, it doesn't mean that I didn't love you." She brings her left hand up to his scarred cheek and gently strokes it. "I was in love with you once but you hurt me more than anyone else has."

He places his hand over hers. "I still want to see you tomorrow." He tells her.

"Don't drink." She removes her hand and brings it down to her side.

"I won't." He answers. "Your room is at the end of the hall. Just let Morris know if you need anything. And also, what time do you have breakfast?"

"I want to sleep in tonight. It's been a long day. Is nine o'clock okay with you?"

"I'll have breakfast ready by then. Vegetable omelette and fruits?"

"Just the omelette and coffee." She answers. "Goodnight Vincent."

"Goodnight Catherine."

He set his alarm at eight in the morning so that he could help Morris with preparing breakfast. He wasn't much of a chef but he knew his way around the kitchen.

There was so much he had to make up for and he knew the road for forgiveness was going to be a long and steep one. All he could think about was the suffering he had caused her. He also couldn't let go of the fact that she had been involved with his brother, though it was short, he hated the fact that she loved Nathaniel as well.

She fell asleep the moment her head hit the pillow. She was tired and had too many sleepless nights before she came to visit Vincent. Her and her husband had argued about the proposal. He kept insisting while she refused to give it a second thought. She wanted to work things out with her husband but it seems he had other things in mind. She knew then that her marriage was over.

She finally agreed to the proposal because she made up her mind that she would file for separation after her twenty-four hour stay with Vincent. Once again she was going to be alone but at least she would be a million dollars richer. Her husband wasn't going to get a single cent. She was not a whore for him to pimp around.

He didn't get to sleep until pass midnight. He felt regretful for all the things he had done and he felt stupid that he let his hormones get the best of him tonight. It had been so long since he last saw her and yet she never looked more beautiful. All the time and pain in the world hadn't altered her looks. He knew then why his older brother had fallen for her as well and he couldn't blame either one for crossing the line. If he was Nathan he would have done the same thing but he would have been selfish and stay with Catherine.

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**Reviews? Thoughts?**

**I have to admit, writing this fic is more emotionally draining than my past fics. **


	6. Cause I need this hole gone

**A/N: Again, this is a dark tale.**

**This is just a dark story about life in general. It's about lose and pain. Making decisions and its consequences. Living and dealing with those consequences. **

**For those waiting for romance, I hate to break your heart but this isn't one of those tales. Read at your own discretion. Stop anytime you like.**

**As stated from the very beginning it is a different type of "beast". The "beast" in this story is alcoholism. Vincent is a drunk, who's morals are completely corrupted by alcoholism.**

**It's a chaotic state of mind.**

**What Now - Rihanna ... Will set the tone for the remaining chapters.**

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She blinks a few times after waking up. It was hard to believe that she was in the same house as Vincent, in his bed since technically he owned everything in the house. She sighs and turns to her side. She peers at the clock on the bedside drawer. It was only 6:58 a.m.

She stares at the ceiling as she recalls last night. "Coming here was a mistake," she whispers to herself. She let her anger for Evan, her husband who willingly sold her to another, cloud her mind thus making a haste decision. She should have just left her stupid husband and waited until she was truly ready to see Vincent again.

He had been a big part of her life, good and bad but mostly the latter. It was because of him that she jumped from one relationship to another. She was young, broken, hurt and scared to be alone. Though she loved them all in her own broken-hearted way, she forgot to love the most important person in her life, herself.

She had been foolish to believe that happiness was to be found with someone else. Her marriage had been a substitute for contentment when in fact it was being a cop and going back to school that kept her sane. It was the one thing she did for herself.

She stands up and rifles through her overnight bag. She needed to wash off last night and forget it all ever happened. There was so much pain, anger and resentment. He had built their dream house but it only reminded her that the dream never came true. Inside she was a broken being that was still unresolved and she hated him for breaking her because all she ever did was love him too damn much. She became someone she didn't recognize anymore and by then it was too late. She was in the same dark path as him.

She hated her husband but most of all, herself because she let them get the best of her again. She gave them her all, only to receive pain back.

"I'm strong." She tells herself as she walks out of the guest room.

The house was quiet. No one was awake but her. She enters the bathroom and the first thing she sees is her reflection. Sleepless nights had caused dark bags under her eyes. She was thankful that her cheeks weren't hollow. Nathaniel had forced her to go out and eat lunch with him, almost everyday, after she found out about the proposal. He was the only one who didn't judge her, though deep down inside she knew why. Her denials kept their friendship afloat and intact.

She tempers the shower water then removes her clothes. She enters the tub and lets the warm water cascade down her naked body, washing away the sin, the mistakes, every thought she had since she came to Vincent's house. She soaped and scrubbed until her skin turned red and she felt the stinging pain of her actions.

She turns the knob for the hot water, almost turning it off and lets the cool water run down her body, erasing the stinging pain she caused. Tears escape her eyes and she stands underneath the shower head, letting it wash away. Her sobs echo through the bathroom as she gives in to the overwhelming emotions.

Her past was something she hardly thought of since it hurt her too much. Every time her sister tried to bring up the subject she would quickly change the topic. No one understood her and what she was going through. It to talk about and she never knew where and how to start. She hated to think about it. Bad things weren't suppose to happen to good people but yet it did. She was just so damn tired of it all, the pain, the anger, the sadness.

They use to be happy and the envy of their school mates. They had so much planned, both couldn't wait for the future and be able to grow old together. All of that was gone. She despised Vincent for it, for breaking her. They were happy once.

_They lay on their side, facing each other after they made love. She had snuck out of her room after her parents went to sleep._

_He placed am arm on her naked waist. "I'm going to miss this." He held her closer to his body and kissed her lips. "I'll miss being able to see you every night."_

_"You'll just miss all the sex we have." She kissed him back and smiled against his lips._

_"And that too." He smiled back. "But seriously Catherine, it's our Senior year. You'll be busy with school, work and clubs. I have school and sports. If I want a scholarship I need to bring my grades up. I'll need a tutor. We'll barely see each other."_

_"We still have two weeks before school starts." She answered back._

_"I can't wait until we're done with high school. No more sneaking out and leaving before your dad wakes up. We can get a place of our own and we can make love anytime we want. We'll get married and have kids. I want at least four." He stated._

_"We're going to have to talk about that number, Vincent."_

_"I want a big family Catherine. You know that."_

_"That's because you're not the one who's going to be giving birth to our kids."_

_"Think of it this way, you get to be pampered for nine months. Anything you want, whenever you want. While we're on the subject of kids." He had a coy smile on his lips. "I think we need to practice, you know, on how to make them." He placed her leg over his thighs and pulled her closer. _

_She grasped at his shoulders as he entered her. "Vincent..." She dug her nails into his skin as he filled her completely. He could have gave her warning._

_He rolled them over and pinned her underneath him. "You feel so good Catherine." He started to thrust inside of her, deep within her._

_Over the few months they learned what the other liked and what made the other moan. Vincent found all of her sensitive spots and she loved it when he took his time. Catherine was a little more shy and he had to tell her what he liked and how he liked it. They eventually learned to explore each other's body without embarrassment. _

_She raised her legs and placed her ankles over the back of his thighs as he continued thrust in and out of her._

_"I love you Catherine." He kissed her lips as he continued to make love to her._

_"I love you Vincent." She pulled his head down and kissed him. She buried her face on the crook of his neck to quiet her moans._

_They made love all night and talked about their future until dawn._

Even though it had been years since they last saw one another, she still felt the pain and hurt he put her through. Being with him reminded her of all the things they lost and what could have been between them. The house was supposed to be theirs and they would have been married by now with a couple of rugrats running around but instead she was married to a selfish asshole who she couldn't wait to divorce.

Last night had been nothing but lost dreams and broken promises. There wasn't enough apologies in the world to make her forget and to make her forgive. She had been a fool to think that she was over the pain and that time had completely healed her broken heart.

All she wanted was to be happy again, to be truly happy without the fake smile plastered on her face when she was having a shitty day, which was often especially after she married Evan. They were happy at first and then the honeymoon phase ended. They had the mortgage and bills on top of bills. Things got worse after the incident at the hospital. He couldn't find work and they barely made ends meet. She started to borrow money without her husband knowing.

She was foolish then and still is. She was just a broken soul trying to mend herself the best way she knew how, with band aids, hoping the wounds will heal soon.

"Get yourself together Catherine." She tells herself as she looks at her reflection.

All she wanted now was some peace for herself, whatever that maybe. Happiness had been so long ago that she wondered if it truly existed. It was a ghost to her now, dead. Sometimes she wondered if numbness was better than feeling pain.

She had William and Nathaniel to thank for not letting her go the deep end. There were nights when she gave in and drank so much that she drunk dialed them. One of them would drive at the dead of the night to keep her company until she fell asleep. She felt no better than Vincent who burdened his brothers. They gave up a part of their life in order to take care of him and make sure he didn't do anything to hurt himself or anyone else for that matter.

She goes down stairs and heads for the kitchen where she smelled the fresh aroma of coffee.

"Good morning Mrs. Chandler." Morris greets her as she enters the high ceiling room that was immaculate.

She smiles. "Good morning Morris and please, it's Catherine."

"I'm sorry ma'am. Would you like some coffee?"

"Yes please." She answers.

"How do you like your coffee?"

"Just sugar but I can do it myself."

Morris grabs a mug from the cabinet and fills it with coffee. "In the pantry. Would you care for any food?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Here you go. A cup of fresh coffee." He sets the coffee sown on the island.

"Thank you Morris." She takes the coffee and adds sugar to her liking. "I'll be by the pool."

"I'll let Mr. Keller know when he wakes up."

She steps out into the cool morning air and lets it surround her. She breathes in the fresh air and lets it fill her lungs. She always enjoyed the beauty of nature and missed it after she moved to the city. The busy streets of Manhattan had been a good distraction back then but now, sometimes she wanted to runaway from the noise and go back home to her parents house.

She removes her slippers and walks barefoot on the dew covered grass. She had to admit it was a nice backyard and the pool made it even better. The deck chairs were comfortable and she leans back as she sat up. The silence was peaceful save the few birds that chirped in the distance. She sips her coffee and stares at the water.

"It's a heated pool." He voice breaks her thoughts.

She turns her head. "Good morning Vincent."

"May I?" He points at the chair next to her.

She nods her head. "It's your house."

He sits and faces her. "Catherine...what I did, I know I can't take it back but I'm truly sorry."

She places her mug on the floor and turns to face him. "Vincent, sorry isn't enough anymore. There's a reason why I stayed away for so long, why your brothers wouldn't let me see you, I wasn't ready then and I'm still not. What you put me through, it killed me inside." She wipes her tears and looks down at her feet. "I could never admit it until now." She looks back up at him and he had his fist clenched besides him. "I loved your brother with a broken heart and that wasn't fair to him. Nathan was right. It would have never worked between us, not when I was too fucked up inside. I would have only broke him the way you did me."

"I want to make it up to you Catherine." His voice was low and his eyes sincere.

She shakes her head. "You can't Vincent. There's so many years that I spent loving you but you only kept pushing me away and made me feel unwanted. So many times I contemplated..." She pauses and covers her mouth. A small sob comes out and she wipes her tears. "Heather saw me cutting myself and she called Will."

"You wanted kill yourself?" He choked back his own tears. He couldn't believe what he had done to her.

"Not kill myself. I needed to feel something...I was already dead inside. I started cutting myself after we broke up." Her tear filled eyes meets his. "And that's when Will saw all the other scars and that's why he had me move out. He even got me to see a shrink but I felt uncomfortable talking to a stranger about my feelings so I stopped going after a month." She pauses and looks down, avoiding his eyes. She never thought she would do what he had done to her. "Nathan and I slept together again after that. For a moment it felt wonderful but I only ended up hurting him. He loved me too much and I didn't have much to give him. All he wanted was for me to be happy again...to feel again."

"I don't know what to say." He sighs. "For so long I held on to the only memories I had of us thinking I still had a chance. Now I realize I only remember the times I was actually sober enough."

"Those were rare." She answers. "It's the reason why I kept staying."

"I would hate me if I were you."

"I contemplated that as well. Vincent, I know I said I was going to stay here for twenty-four hours but I don't think I can. Being here, seeing you, it hurts too much. I thought I was over it but one of the first things I did today was cry. It's been so long since I thought about us and our past and now I realize why I hadn't. I buried those feelings thinking I was okay but I'm not...and then my husband...I can't even go home either."

"I understand now." He pauses and looks at her. "You don't have to answer this...Why'd you marry him?"

"I was afraid of being alone. Nathan and I weren't really talking anymore. Things between Evan and I escalated pretty quickly after I got pregnant."

"You have a kid?" He asks, his voice an octave higher.

She sighs and wipes her tears. "Miscarriage but we still got married. He didn't seem like a bad guy but I don't exactly have a knack for picking good guys."

"I wish I can change the past."

"So do I." She picks up her mug and stands up. "I should get ready."

"I'll call the driver and see what time he can pick you up." He stands up and collapses back on the chair. His hands starts to shake. "I'll be okay." He tells her.

"How often have you been drinking?" She asks.

"Everyday since the cruise."

She sighs and looks down at him. "I can't be here for your withdrawls, Vincent."

"Don't call Nathan. I can't see him right now."

"I'll call Will and let him know."

"Go ahead. I'll be there in a minute." He watches as she walks away again.

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**Feel free to leave a review/comment but as I said before, stop reading if you don't like the story.**


	7. It's not just something you take

**A/N: For those who stuck around, thanks.**

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_She latched on to the doorknob as he bent over the toilet to vomit. She closed the door behind her and walked over to him._

_"I missed you." He stood up and looked at her, his eyes red from lack of sleep and too much alcohol._

_She wiped her tears. "I'm tired Vincent and I have work tomorrow."_

_"You're always working." He flushed the toilet and stumbled passed her._

_"And you're always drinking." She sighed and followed him back to his room. "I don't want to argue with you Vincent."_

_"Then leave." He sat on his bed and picked up the half empty bottle of vodka. He took two chugs and put the bottle back down._

_"Are you fucking kidding me right now? I worked a twelve hour shift and find you drunk once again. Surprise, surprise."_

_"GET THE FUCK OUT THEN." He yelled at her. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE OUT THERE. HOW COULD YOU? YOU WE'RE PROBABLY TOO BUSY FUCKING MY BROTHERS WHILE I WAS AWAY!"_

_She quickly brought her right hand to his face. He deserved the slap. His bedroom door flew open, his two brothers standing there with an angry look on their faces._

_"C'mon sweetheart, I'll walk you home." Nathaniel gently took her arm and nudged her towards the door._

_"Don't even think about it Vincent." William steps in between the three as Vincent tries to grab her arm._

_"She's my girlfriend."_

_"Not tonight. Nate is going to take her home. Sober up and maybe she'll talk to you tomorrow or maybe not. Watch your mouth Vince or I swear I'll make you regret it if you yell at her again."_

_She was quiet when Nathaniel walked her home. They both didn't say much but she knew that he was worried and so was William._

_"Thanks for walking me home." She opened the front door with shaky hands and cried as soon as she closed the door behind her._

She finished packing her bag and sits on the bed. She was tired of thinking of her past and remembering all the bad memories that she thought she had burned. All she wanted was peace of mind and hopefully closure but instead she just opened up the flood gates of hell, her Pandora box that she buried long ago.

She wipes her tears and picks up her phone. She had three text messages from William, who was running late.

She picks up the photo album from her bag and turns the pages. It was sad to see how happy they all use to be. How can something so good be easily broken and forgotten? How did love turn to loathe, possibly hate? Why did bad things happen to good people?

There was a light a knock on the door. "Catherine it's Vincent."

"Come in." She answers as she wipes her face.

He opens the door and sticks his head in. He slowly walks inside the room and looks down at the floor. He sticks his hands inside his sweat pockets. "The driver is back in the city with another client. He won't be free until late afternoon. I can call you a cab if you'd like."

"It's okay. If you don't mind, I want to call Nathan to pick me up. I'm going to need help moving my stuff out of the house."

"As long as he stays outside. I just can't see him right now. I hope you understand." He brings his head up and looks at her.

She nods her head. "I'll call him in a bit."

"Did you hear from Will?" He asks.

"He's with Tess at a doctor's appointment, it's the first sonogram. He has to drop off Tess and Nicholas at her mom's first. He should be here around noon. I can stay until he arrives." She hated the idea of being close to him while he was having his withdrawls. He was a complete asshole if she recalled correctly.

"I hurt you too much already, Catherine. If anything I'm the one who should be helping you. Let me know if you need anything."

"I do have one favor to ask. I need you to transfer the money to a different account."

"Sure, no problem." He leans on the doorway and crosses his arms over his chest. "Are you really leaving your husband? That was never my attention. You have to believe me, Catherine. I just got caught up in wanting to see you again that I didn't even think about the consequences. I never meant to hurt you again but I guess that's just it though...I never think about other people especially you." He expresses his regrets, which was now truly sinking in. He turned into a something he didn't recognize, inhumane, beastly. He hurt and tortured her, though he couldn't remember specifically how and what he had done. He had drank years of his life away, wilting into nothingness, hurting his brothers as well. "I'll leave you alone. Goodbye Catherine."

"Wait..." She sighs and look down. "I loved you but you broke my heart. It's never healed since then. I want to know why you pushed me away, why you never let me in after your parents were killed."

"I didn't know how to and I just always assumed you would be there for me no matter what. You stuck by me through it all and I never thought about how you felt. I was too caught up in my own pain that I actually forgot how to love you the right way."

She was his first love, his only love but yet he forgot how much she meant to him. He took her for granted and lost her in all possible ways. The once vibrant and beautiful girl became the broken and damaged human being that sat across the room from him.

They were so close but were miles apart. The familiarity was gone. The smile and happiness were etched off their tragic life. Their beating hearts were just beating hearts.

"Vincent," she looks up at him as he stood by the door. "Can you see yourself sober?"

He looks up at the ceiling. He knew his parents would be disappointed at the person he grew up to be. He had so much potential and had big goals in life.

They all expected him and Catherine to be married by now with a couple of kids. He threw away that dream and doused it with gas, setting it on fire until it was nothing but ashes. There were no pieces to pick up and put together, his alcoholism made sure of it.

"I tried on several occasions but any moment of sadness or pain, I just go back to it. Rehab helped for a while but that's rehab. You're stuck and there's no temptation but here in the real world, everywhere you go and turn, it's there. It's easier to give up and just give in. You think you're only hurting yourself but obviously I was wrong. I was stupid and still am. I look at you and think there's no way she's that weak. That's not the girl I grew up with but I'm not the guy my parents raised."

"Do you want to be sober?"

"After talking to you, I do but wanting to and doing so are two different things. I fucked up badly and I get that now but..." He sighs and looks away from her. "I know I have no right but hearing about you and Nate...I just..."

"Don't Vincent...whatever you're going to say don't. I didn't tell you to hurt you but I wanted to be honest. Nathan has been a huge part of my life and I have a lot to thank him for. If you're mad be mad at me, not him. I needed to feel again and he made me feel loved."

He nods his head and stares at the floor. "I hope someday you find the happiness you deserve Catherine." He looks at her one last time. "I better go." He was mad, angry but mostly jealous. He always thought that she would be his girl. They were suppose to have the ever after. The happily part was once upon them but not anymore. He couldn't look at her without thinking of his brother and their betrayal, even though he had no right to feel that way. He was the one that pushed them together. He even made the both of them go to the Prom. It was all his doing. His one mistake that he wished he hadn't made. It was sad to think that maybe, someone else could be her ever after, the person that makes her happy. "Goodbye Catherine." He lets her go as his own heart breaks, after all it was his fault.

"Goodbye Vincent." She watches as he walks away. "I hope so too." She whispers to herself. She puts the photo album aside, the past was just that, the past.

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**Feel free to leave your thoughts.**


	8. Makes me feel like I cant live w-out you

**A/N: Re-Upload.**

**Someone doesn't know how to plan her fics. Added more to the end of the chapter.**

**There will be two more chapter after this and an epilogue.**

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_She stirred in his arm as the morning sunlight hit her face. She moved closer to him and inhaled his scent. She buried her face on the crook of his neck and hugged his body tightly._

_"G'morning sweetheart." He mumbled in to her hair._

_"It's the nineteenth." She looked up at him. "It's been a month...since Dad died." She cried, her eyes filled with tears._

_He held her tighter and pulled her closer to him. He rubbed circles on her back and whispered. "It'll be okay. I'm right here."_

_"Promise not to leave me, too?" She looked up into his green eyes. "You promise, Nathan?"_

_"I'll never leave you sweetheart." He moved her bangs out of her face and placed it behind her ears. He kissed her forehead and let his lips linger. "I love you Catherine." He whispered softly onto her cheek._

_"It hurts Nathan."_

_"I know...but it'll get better. You still have your Mom and Heather."_

_She grabbed his shirt into her fist as she sobbed onto his chest. "I don't want to be alone." She cried, her tears flowed steadily._

_He rubbed her back as he tried to soothe her. "You're not alone Catherine. You'll never be alone. You'll always have me." He wiped her tears and kissed her eyes. He hugged her tightly and didn't let her go. "I'll let Will know that I won't be coming in today."_

_She nodded and laid her head on his chest. He was the only comforting solace she had._

_"We can stay in and watch movies. I'll pick up whatever food you want to eat. We'll make a day out of it. I'll even watch your chick flicks that you like so much."_

_His voice vibrated into her ear. She listened carefully and intently. Sometimes she wished that it was Nathaniel that she dated and first fell in love with, maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad._

_"I don't feel like watching a movie or eating." She answered absentmindedly as she picked on his shirt. It was pointless to let her mind wonder with what if. Her tears flowed and rolled down her cheeks._

_"Then what do you want to do?"_

_"I don't care." She buried her face on his chest as she felt the tears cascading down her cheeks. She just wanted all the pain to go away and disappear._

_"I care, sweetheart." _

_She lifted her head up and placed her chin on his chest. She looked at him with red and puffy eyes. "Why do you?" She asked, her voice broken and weak._

_He lowered his hands and locked it behind the small of her back. "Someone has to." He rubbed her back and drew in her closer. "Do you want to talk about it?"_

_She shook her head and buried it on the crook of his neck. "Do you ever think about it? Us, I mean."_

_"All the time." He answered truthfully. "Why do you think I come here everyday?"_

_"I'm glad you do. I feel less lonely." She kissed his cheek and laid her back down on his chest._

_"I just make you feel less lonely?" He lowered his voice, after all that they've been through he was just someone to keep her company._

_"That's not what I meant Nathaniel. You know that." She took his hand and held it in hers._

_"Nathaniel? You haven't called me that since elementary school. You hated me back then." He brought their hands up and kissed her fingers._

_"I had a crush on you." She squeezed his hands as she told him her long time secret. "You were the only boy with green eyes."_

_"Why didn't you tell me?" _

_"I was in second grade while you were in the fourth grade. It wasn't going to work out then." She told him._

_"Can it work now?" He asked her._

_"Maybe someday." She answered. "Can we just lay down for a while?"_

_"Sure sweetheart."_

_They laid down for awhile and talked about meaningless nothing to help her forget about the pain she was going through. He held her close to him and didn't let go except for when either one had to go to the bathroom._

She rubs her eyes and wipes her tears. She turns to him, the person who was constantly there for her. He even drove two hours to pick her up from Vincent's, who was mad at him for sleeping with her.

"I'm sorry Nathan." She apologizes, for their past and their present.

"Don't worry about it sweetheart." He takes a glance at her then stares back at the road. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop loving her. Even after she married Evan, he stuck by her side, always there to listen when she needed to vent and rant.

He hated her husband, but mostly jealous. He gave up the best thing in his life, the only girl he fell in love with. He loved other girls but they weren't her, none of them were Catherine. All he wanted to do was help her and save her.

"I'm glad to do it. Are you okay?" He asks. They both knew that he would do anything for her.

"I don't know." She answers. "Why the hell did I go there?" She asks out loud. "I should have listened to you and Will." She shakes her head and buries her face in her hands. She lets out a huge sigh and screams, her palms strangling the noise. "Aaaahhhh."

He pulls the car over and turns off the engine. He wished things were different, that it was easy like it use to be when their parents were alive. "Catherine." He says calmly.

"How did things get so complicated?" She asks in frustration. "FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK." She pounds her fists on the dashboard.

"Sweetheart." Nathaniel places his hand over hers. "You'll hurt yourself."

"Why me? What the hell did I do to deserve this?! Am I really that terrible of a fucking person?" She asks angrily.

"You don't deserve any of this." He tells her, truthfully none of them did. He lost his parents too but he didn't act up like his younger brother Vincent or act fatherly like his older brother William.

Nathaniel was the middle child who got lost in the commotion, who, people barely paid attention to except for the Chandler sister's who adored his green eyes, that was similar to theirs. He was the quiet brother that didn't draw any attention to himself except for when he played sports.

"Where do you want to go Catherine?"

"Away from here. Far, far, far away. I can't go home. I don't want to go home but I need my stuff. Aaaahhhh. What the fuck?!" She was sick and tired of it all. Life wasn't what she expected it to be. Even though she no longer expected much, she was still let down by life and the people in it.

"You can stay with me for a while if you'd like." He tells her.

She turns to look at him, her face weary but filled with questions.

"Not like that Catherine. I have an extra room. You can stay until you figure things out with you and your life."

"There's nothing to figure out. I'm divorcing the asshole." She tells him, her voice filled with bitterness. She tried to make it work and that's what hurt her the most, that her effort was all futile. He went behind her back and met up with a stranger. The worst part was that he had made up his mind about the proposal before asking her.

"Get some sleep sweetheart. I'll wake you up when we're in the city."

"Thanks again Nathan."

"That's what friends are for right?" He asks as his heart breaks. They were nothing more because of him. Had he chosen her instead of his brother maybe things would be different but he couldn't dwell on the past. She was still in his life and that's all that mattered.

She nods her head and half smiles. She wondered what it would have been like if they had made different choices in life.

He starts the car and drives back on the road as she closes her eyes.

_They laid on their side, facing one another. All she wanted to do was lie in bed and pretend the day didn't exist._

_"Sweetheart talk to me." He wiped her tears._

_"I can't believe its been a month since he's been gone. I miss him so much."_

_"I'm sorry." His voice was low and soft._

_"It's just so much shit...I can't...I don't know if I can."_

_"You're strong Catherine. You've been through so much and it's not fair but look at where you are and what you've done in the past couple of months. It'll take time to heal so let yourself heal. Until then I'm here for you." He wrapped her in his arms and held her tight._

_"Nathan..." She exhaled against his neck._

_"Hmmm..." His response vibrated down his throat and onto her lips._

_"Make love to me." Her green eyes stared into his._

_"Please don't, Catherine. You're hurting..."_

_"Don't you love me?"_

_His eyes filled with tears. "You know that I do. I can't. We shouldn't."_

_"I love you Nathan."_

_He closed his eyes as he felt her lips on his. He kissed her back and pinned her underneath him. He hated himself for being weak and not stopping, for giving in and not helping her like he should have._

_"I love you Catherine." He confessed in between kisses and removing her clothes. He slowly took his time like he had done before. He let his lips and hands pleasure her until their bodies united._

_She kissed his lips and met his thrusts. He treated her body kindly, gently rocking his hips within hers. He sunk into her body one last time as they both came._

_They made until the sky darkened. He held her as she cried and when he was leaving he realized he couldn't. They made love once more and held her until she fell asleep._

_He got up slowly, careful not to wake her. He wrote her a letter before leaving. There was a big lump in his throat as he looked back at her. "I'm in love with you Catherine." He closed the door behind him and left her knowing it would be awhile until they saw one another._

_She wiped her tears and cried quietly onto her pillow. "I'm in love with you too, Nathaniel."_

"Catherine...Catherine..." He calls her name over and over to wake her up.

"Hhhhmmm..." She turns her head and looks at him.

"Where within city limit. Where exactly do you want to go?" His green eyes were weary and tired from driving for more than four hours. He got stuck in traffic as he neared the city.

"Thanks again Nathan, for everything."

"You know I'd do anything for you, sweetheart." He puts his hand over hers and squeezes it. "Where to?"

"Let's go to your place." She tells him. "I'll deal with life tomorrow." She turns away from him and looks out the window. She sighs as she watches the cars and road pass by. It seemed so far away when their family use to take road trips out of the state. Heather and her use to countdown the days until the start of vacation.

"Catherine." He breaks her thoughts.

"Yea?"

"You should, you know?"

She turns back to him, her eyes filled with tears as she looks at him. "What are you talking about?"

"You should get away, far from here. Take some time to explore and find yourself sort of speak. You have the money now and Heather is graduating from college soon. Do some sister bonding and see the world. Maybe your Mom can go to."

"You want me to go away?"

"No." He places his hand on hers and slips his fingers in between hers. "I don't want you to but it's something you need to do. Divorce your husband then get out of here."

"It sounds like a good idea but I don't know. Just leave everything behind?" She asks.

"Just for a little while, then come back home when you're ready." He answers.

"I don't exactly have anything to come back home to."

"I'll be here." His voice was soft and genuine.

She squeezes his hand. "You're always here." She smiles at him. "I'll think about it."

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**A/N: You know the drill. Feel free to write.**

**Yea, not really good with planning my fics.**


	9. I want you to stay

**A/N: I have no idea how many more chapters are left. I wasn't thinking when I wrote last chapter's Author's Note.**

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He watched as his brother drove off with her again and this time she didn't look back like she did before. She didn't wonder how it would be like if she stays with him. This time she knew and was a little wiser than her teenage counterpart. She just wished she knew better then, it would have saved her a lot of heartache and pain.

He stayed until he could no longer see the back of the car and though it pained him to see her leave with Nathaniel, he didn't dare confront his brother but he also didn't acknowledge his brother's presence.

He lazily walked through the house and even though she was gone he stayed away from the alcohol but it took all his strength not to grab a bottle and gulp it all down. It was the one thing he was good at, burying the pain with alcohol and forgetting all the shit he was going through. He was an expert at it, after all, he forgot years of his life, the moments she stuck by his side after all the pain he had caused her.

Her words and confession tore him apart but it was nothing compared to what he put her through. His alcoholism was his downfall and he was hers. She broke down and was slowly dying inside. The longer she stayed with him the more she lost herself.

He lays down on his bed and stare up the ceiling. He places both hands behind his head, cradling it. He contemplates his life and what happened between the two of them. Nothing was what he thought it was and he wasn't prepared for what she had told him.

They were no longer teenagers in love. They weren't even friends. All they were was just a past, a long lost life he wishes he still had. The memories were nothing but ghosts, haunting him.

He missed the way she would lie down next to him with her head on his chest. He knew then that she was the love of his life but their paths separated ways and they no longer shared the same dream.

"Hey Vince." A familiar voice breaks his thoughts.

Vincent sits up and looks toward the open door. "Hey Will, I didn't hear you come in."

"Your butler opened the door. I didn't know you had one."

"That's Morris. Hired him for a week to help me out. Thanks for coming by."

"Listen Vince, I didn't come here for you. I came because Catherine asked me to make sure you're okay. You know how much I love her, she's like a little sister to me but when she called me crying, I swear Vincent I wanted to punch you in the mouth. You know, I told her not to come here, that it was a bad idea. Hopefully she can move on. If you really care about her, you'll leave her alone."

Vincent nods his head and looks away from his older brother, who, growing up acted more like a dad. William looked out for everyone especially the Chandler sisters, who, when younger were a constant target because of their mixed nationality. As they grew up, more guys paid attention, and he threatened anyone who talked dirty or laid a hand on either one.

William enters the room and looks around. He didn't have much respect for his youngest brother especially after everything Vincent put Catherine and their family through. It broke his heart to see his family break apart after their parents death but he did all he could to keep them together. "You're niece is going to be born soon. It pains my heart to know you've only seen your nephew a few times. He's going to be two soon and he barely knows his Uncle Vincent. It's sad, you know, after everything we've been through you still choose alcohol over your family."

"I'll change." Vincent says out loud.

"I'll believe it when I see it Vince. I'll be downstairs if you need anything."

* * *

It was a long day and she was tired of all the shit she was going through. She should have listened to William and should have never went. She wanted to get back at her husband and she thought she was ready to face her demon, her first love who hurt her.

She cried for a long time and hated herself for it, for letting them get the best of her again. They didn't deserve her or her tears. She was so much better than that but she felt every bit of her walls crumbling down and she was once again the woman who Vincent broke down with his alcoholism.

"It's okay sweetheart." Nathaniel stands beside her as they look out his penthouse balcony over looking Central Park. "I'm sorry this happened again." He holds out his hand and she immediately takes it, placing her hand within his.

"I should have listened to you and Will." She was glad that he stayed in the city, it was a good distraction that she needed. The city noise and the cityscape reminded her how much she loved living there.

"Don't worry about that now. Stay at my place for as long as you want and when you're ready I'll help you get your stuff at your place."

"Thanks Nathan, for everything."

"Anything for you." He raises their hands and kisses her fingers. "What do you want to do tonight? Movies and dinner for old time sakes?"

"Yea...sure..." She absentmindedly answers him as she looks down the busy city street.

"Catherine." He squeezes her hand.

She turns to look at him, her eyes once again filled with tears.

"I'm sorry sweetheart." He pulls her towards him and encloses his arms around her petite frame. "You don't deserve any of this. You deserve so much more." He kisses her temple and lowers his lips to her ear. "What can I do? What can I do to make you feel better?"

She turns her head, her lips a hairbreadth away from his. He cups her face, gently holding her face in his hands as he softly strokes her cheeks, wiping away her tears. His heart broke for her. No matter how much time and distance was placed between them, Nathaniel never stopped loving Catherine, not even when she married the scumbag husband of hers. He stuck by her side and remained her friend even if it tore his heart to pieces. He just wanted her in his life even if they were just friends.

"Make the pain go away Nathan...I just want it all to go away..."

He closes his eyes as she kisses his lips. She was too vulnerable and he knew it. He hesitantly pulls away and wipes his lips. "I'm sorry Catherine. I can't. I can't do this. You're hurting right now. I want our next time to be like our last...because you love me as well. I want us to make love and not just fuck because you're masking your pain."

"I'm sorry Nathan..."

He wipes her tears once more. "It's okay." He kisses her cheek and hugs her. "I love you Catherine."

She wraps her arms around him and hugs him tightly. She sobs in his arms and he holds her until her tears stop. He carries her in his arms and walks through the quiet halls of his penthouse.

There wasn't much that Nathaniel wouldn't do for Catherine, his sweetheart since he could remember. His heart broke when hers did. He cried when she did but he hid his tears and pain. His brother was a fool for letting her go but so was he, Catherine had been his, loved him in her own way but he foolishly felt a great deal of guilt by loving her. Had Nathaniel known then how her life would turn out he would have never let her go. He would have chosen her over and over.

He gently sets her down on his bed and removes her shoes. "Try to get some sleep." He wipes her tears and kisses her cheek. "Goodnight sweetheart."

"Will you stay with me?"

He nods his head and kicks off his shoes. He lays down beside her and holds her until they both fell asleep.


	10. So what now

Catherine opens her eyes as she wakes up in Nathaniel's strong hold. His warmth nestles her and she moves closer to him instinctively. He tucks her securely in his arms and pull her body close to his.

She had forgotten what it was like to be held by someone who truly cared for her. She missed the touched of being wanted, to be held in the safety of someone's arm. For the past few weeks her and her husband often slept in different rooms, especially after she found out about her first love's proposal.

She slowly turns within Nathaniel's arms, thankful that he was a deep sleeper and faces the man who hasn't let her down. He had been the perfect lover, though their time was short together. She stares at him and wonders what their life would have been like had they not given up so easily.

He loved her and still does, his confession last night made her heart, both swell and hurt. She didn't want to lose the only good thing in her life, the only one who didn't ask her for anything in return.

She wipes her tears and buries herself deeper in his arms. He tightens his hold around her, his body automatically reacting to her movements. They mold to each other, settling into one another.

He sleeps peacefully with her in his arms. His breathing calm and normal. He always looked like an angel to her when he slept. He was handsome as he had always been and his scar above his brow reminds her of how he is always there for her.

She lightly traces his scar with her fingertip and he exhales loudly, his warm breath touching her cheek. She was close to tempting fate but she knew she couldn't hurt the one person who constantly supported her.

"Catherine...I love you..." Nathaniel whispers in his sleep.

She stares up at him. His eyes were still closed and he wraps her tightly to him. She smiles to herself. He still talked in his sleep, which he didn't like since he had a tendency of revealing something.

She traces his lips with her fingers and he purses his lips, softly kissing her fingers.

"Hhhmmm..." He shifts in his sleep, taking her with him as he moves to lie on his back.

She lays her head on his chest and let herself be loved by someone she deeply cared for. Someday she hoped that she could love again.

* * *

The smell of coffee rouse Nathaniel from his sleep. He wakes up alone on his bed but he knew that he hadn't been dreaming. His pillows still smelled of her and the other side of the bed had been slept on. He smiles to himself and gets up from his bed.

His hair was completely disheveled from sleeping and his green eyes was as bright as the sun entering his living room from the open balcony. There was a slight chill, the morning breeze flows through the room. He skips his usual morning coffee and walks to the balcony, simply because he missed her too much.

Catherine had woken up hours ago but chose to remain in his arms. She felt the safety of his world and the warmth of his body as she lay with him. She couldn't drag herself away but finally got up, sneaking away from his warm and strong hold that she missed the moment she stood from his bed.

"Morning." He greets her as he steps out into the fresh morning of New York.

She turns to face him, her eyes red from crying. She had spoken to her husband who wasn't thrilled that she spent another night somewhere else. They had argued, called each other names until she could no longer bite her tongue and told him she wanted a divorce from his dumb ass.

"Sweetheart..." He walks over to her and wraps her in his arms.

She hugs him back, placing her arms around his waist. She looks up at him, their green eyes staring into one another.

"You're the only who hasn't let me down." She tells him.

"I promise never to." He wipes her tears, the pads of his thumb softly brushing her wet cheeks. "What happened Catherine?"

"Evan called. I should have never picked up." She shakes her head as she tries to forget the conversation. Evan had called her a whore, thinking she had slept with Vincent and that she probably fucked Nathaniel as well.

"Don't listen to that asshole. Catherine, you deserve so much more than that idiot. Anyone willing to give you up is a complete dumb ass and I'm including myself in that list. Had I known how it would all turn out, trust me sweetheart, I would have never let you go." He gently cups her face, softly stroking her cheeks. He was slowly losing self control as she he held her.

"You're nothing like them Nathan. I understand why you walked away. You deserved a whole lot more than my broken heart." She holds onto him tightly, her fist balling up his shirt.

"I know you loved me in your own way and I couldn't ask for more. I have no regrets except for letting you go. I promised myself if I had a another chance that I wouldn't make the same mistake again." He presses his forehead on hers and close his eyes. She was too close. "I meant what I said last night. I love you Catherine...I never stopped..I tried moving on but I couldn't...they weren't you."

"I wish things were different...that you and I..." She trails off with her thoughts. If only. She wished things were different.

He could feel the warmth of her breath on his lips. "If I..." He opens his eyes and look into hers. "I want to be the guy that doesn't let you down Catherine."

She nods her head, her lips brushing his. She felt the chill of the light touch and the morning air that surrounds them.

He lightly presses his lips on hers and wraps his arms around her, pulling her close to him. "I don't want to fuck up again." He tells her as he pulls away. "I'll be inside if you need anything."

She nods her head again. The kiss was soft but it was the most genuine one she felt in years.


	11. Whatever it is, it feels like

**A/N: There will be time jumps/skips/hops.**

* * *

Vincent Ryan Keller looks down at his open palm. A silver chip stares back at him, reminding him that there were twenty-four hours in a day. It was a sobering reminder to take things slowly. "One day at time." He whispers.

He was more proud of his one day silver chip than his red thirty day chip. There wasn't much he was proud of but he was happy he was able to stick to his sobriety. Even though he missed his family and friends, this time he knew why he was in rehab and way he had to stay there.

A week ago he became sober for thirty days straight, something he hadn't done in years. He drank his life away. Days turning into weeks until it became one big blur of darkness and emptiness. He failed time and again to remain sober, hurting the people in his life and losing them along the way, especially one he considered the love of his life.

So many times he tried to remember what he had done, hoping to atone and apologize for his mistakes and fuck ups. He sat all alone by the pool until the sky darkened and the moon shown above, reflecting in the water. His mind constantly drew a blank and impatience grew to frustration. That's when he picked up a bottle and drank himself to sleep, thinking of only one person, the girl who still had his heart.

There wasn't much that came to his mind except when he last saw Catherine. For a moment everything was what they were suppose to be. She was back in his arms, in his life again. For a short while they were back in the past when she loved him unconditionally but she was no longer in love with him. It was all a fantasy built on alcoholic memories that never truly existed.

He was the one for her until he broke her heart over and over, something she let happen as well. Their love didn't last the lifetime they dreamt of together, a house with kids and maybe a dog or two. He wanted their kids to have her eyes, it was unique he'd tell her.

Three months ago, when he last saw her, he knew that he lost her for good and that his relationship with his brother Nathaniel had changed. He could have blamed them, beat the shit out of his brother, called her a whore but instead he went into solitude and drank like he use to.

He was hard-headed and stubborn, too blind to see that his eldest brother was right. He consistently chose alcohol over them, over his family, over Catherine. He felt them slip away again as he fell asleep by the pool side almost every night.

He sighs under his breath and tucks both coins in his pocket. He had no one to blame but himself. There were so many things he could have done differently, so many times he could have turned his life around but he took out his anger and pain on the only person that loved him enough to stay through his beastly ways.

"Catherine." He whispers as he thinks about her. He knew then that he would be living a lifetime of regrets.

He places his hand in his pocket and plays with the two coins. They were real and so was his sobriety. There wasn't much he looked forward to except for getting his dark gold sixty day chip in three weeks and leaving rehab.

He had too many fences to mend, bridges to build, and relationships to fix. He had a family when most people in his group didn't have much. Vincent Ryan Keller was a lucky son of a bitch and he finally understood what that truly meant.

He looks up and wipes his tears. He was sorry that he realized too late and that it took losing her again to see it.

* * *

Nathaniel wakes with Catherine in his arms, sleeping peacefully after a twelve hour shift. He hated her occupation, constantly worrying about her until she arrived home, although she still called it his place. She often came home from school or work often tired and weary. Sometimes he drew her a bath to help her relax and waited for her so that they could sleep together.

For three months they lived together, their bond growing stronger with each day. She didn't cry as much as she use to and when she did he was there to hold her and console her. She was going through an ugly divorce and Nathaniel hated her husband even more.

Often, she tried living a normal life, not thinking about her past and the pain she was going through. Sometimes she busied herself by cooking and cleaning especially on her days off. Nathaniel couldn't help but smile when he came home from a long day's work to a home cooked meal. They'd eat dinner together and watch a movie like they use when she first moved into the city with Tess years ago. They often fell asleep on the couch with their backs aching when they woke in the morning. He'd make breakfast since she cooked dinner the night before. He loved the domestic life and she secretly loved it as well even though she told him that she was just trying to move on from her old life.

His favorite part were the nights they stayed up talking, mostly about the book that they were reading and their thoughts about it. Sometimes they talked about them and their somewhat future, though it seemed so far away. He waited patiently for her this time and didn't want to fuck up the way he did in the past by giving into hormones and lust. Though they made love years ago, he realized she wasn't ready then but they were both badly bruised and broken by pain and loss.

Catherine stirs in her sleep and turns in his arm. He smiles as he breathes her in and pulls her body close to his. On and off they've been sleeping on the same bed, in his room, sometimes getting carried away before falling asleep but always short of making love. She still wasn't ready and he didn't want to rush whatever it is they had. Friends, lovers, a fine thin line they straddled often, crossing it over and over as they slept in each others arms, finding solace in one another.

"Hhhmmm..." She moans against his neck and smiles as she feels his lips on her cheek.

"Good morning." He whispers.

She opens her eyes and looks up, meeting his. "Hey."

"I'll miss you Catherine." He leans down and kisses her lips.

"I'll only be gone for two weeks and the vacation was your idea. I asked you to come with us since Heather wanted to bring her boyfriend."

"I'd love to, trust me, but this about you. Besides you said you wanted to figure things out on your own." Nathaniel answers. "I know I don't really have a right to ask this but please, whatever you do out there, don't meet someone else."

"Nathan...I'll be with Heather and Mom, the last thing I'll be thinking about is meeting a guy and besides I have you." Her eyes meets his, a slight twinkle sparkling at the corner. "I just need some time. A few more months and the divorce will be final. I want to do this the right way Nathan. I want to be with you, I really do. I want to be able to say I love you and truly mean it this time. I want to love you the way you deserve. No broken heart and no guilt, just you and me." She places her hand in his and entwines it.

"I'll be here waiting for you. I love you Catherine."


	12. I found the one, he changed my life

For about two weeks Catherine enjoyed the warm weather of Hawaii with her mom and sister. They stayed in Maui for the first week then flew out to Oahu for the second. The atmosphere was different, very calming and peaceful. It quickly put her mind at ease, forgetting everything she wanted to forget.

They traveled all over the islands, doing the usual tourist activities. Catherine's favorite was hiking, seeing and feeling nature. They also swam with fishes and visited sea turtles. Her mom got to swim with dolphins and it was worth every cent just to see the smile on her face. Sometimes they just sat on the beach and reminisced about their father, who they missed dearly.

There was something about being far away from home. She enjoyed their new surrounding, forgetting all the pain she left behind in New York but there was one person who was back at home that she couldn't forget. Home, it was no longer just his place but it was where she wanted to be.

Nathaniel was constantly on her mind, she even bought him some souvenirs. It took no effort to smile and sometimes it was because she was thinking of him. The more time they spent apart the more she cherished the time they spent together. She missed the simple things, the little things he did for her, pouring her coffee when she was running late. Bringing her lunch to school when she forgot it, or meeting her for lunch when she was at work.

He was always there, her constant and her rock, the one person she can always count on. He was the best thing in a long time to happen to her and it scared her. She was never that lucky in love but deep down she knew that Nathaniel was different. He was her best friend, her lover, a patient one at that, and the one person she continually turned to.

She smiled when she saw his name flashing on her phone. They spoke almost everyday, mostly he called her and sometimes she called him when he popped into her mind. They talked about their day, mostly her relaying what they did.

Heather teased her, since she didn't even spend that much time on the phone with her boyfriend but she knew exactly how her older sister felt. It was hard to be away from the one person that mattered the most.

Catherine stretches her legs on the white sand. She buries her feet on the sand, pushing it down. Ahead of her was clear blue water that went on for miles, a beautiful endless ocean that she was going to miss but there was someone else she missed more and couldn't wait to see.

"I'm going for a swim." Heather stands up and laugh as she ran for the water.

"Paradise." Catherine says out loud.

"Honey I can get use to this."

Catherine turns to her left, her mother had the same big smile on her face as they sat by side by side.

"I can't believe we have to go home tomorrow. It's been such a lovely vacation. I'm going to miss this, spending time with you two girls has been the highlight of this trip." Mrs. Chandler follows Heather with her eyes, like a mother watching a child.

"I missed spending time with you too, Mom." Catherine buries her hands in the sand, feeling the warmth of it between her fingers. She pictured herself running her fingers through his hair as he laid his head on her lap.

"Hon, I know I said I wouldn't bring it up but I worry about you."

"You don't have to." Catherine turns to her mother. "I'm okay." She answers, a truth that she felt deep within. "I'm just waiting for my divorce to be finalized then I can move on with my life."

"With Nathan?" Mrs. Chandler asks, the wrinkles on her forehead showing as she worries about her eldest. "I know you two just aren't roommates. Are you being careful?"

"Mom..." Catherine answers, her cheeks turning pink. "Nathan and I are just..."

"You talk everyday on the phone. He dropped us off to the airport and is going to pick us up tomorrow." Mrs. Chandler adds.

"I don't know what we are to be honest but he makes me happy. Nathan makes me happy Mom. There's nothing to worry about."

"Cat be careful."

"Mom we're not having sex. He knows I want to wait until the divorce." Catherine smiles, for the first time in a while she was truly happy.

"Did you know Nathan calls me every year on your Dad's birthday? I think he's a great guy and any girl will be lucky to have him but Catherine, you're in a middle of a divorce. Is it really the right time to be with someone?"

She turns her head and looks out to the ocean. She watches as the waves washed ashore and back out. The sound was soothing and it calmed her nerves and her fast beating heart. For the first time she realized one thing she'd been denying, the one thing she was scared of. Nathaniel was more than just her rock and the person she constantly turned to. He was her everything, the person that made her smile and always supported her no matter what. Through it all he was there, never judging her even after she made one mistake after the other.

She was glad that he made her go on this trip even though she knew that he wanted to be there with her. He was selfless, always thinking about her needs. She knew she had a great guy, one who wouldn't let her down.

She turns back to her mom and wipes her tears. "I love him. I love Nathan."

Mrs. Chandler nods her head, understanding what her daughter was going through. "Be careful hun. Nathan might seem like this tough guy but he's just as fragile. I see him from time to time visiting his parents..."

"I know Mom. I've seen him breakdown during their death anniversary. I've been there with him just like how he's there with me when I visit Dad."

"You really do love him then." Mrs. Chandler states.

"I do but I want to do it the right way this time."

"I'm glad you're happy Catherine. You deserve it."

"Thanks Mom." Catherine answers and picks up her phone. "I miss you." She types in and sends the text.


	13. The end

**A/N: This fic was never just about who gets the girl. With that being said, I am no longer motivated to continue the fic any further.**

**If you're still asking "Will Vincent get the girl", I would suggest to stop reading now.**

**Last chapter & Epilogue.**

* * *

Catherine wakes up in her room, something she rarely did since moving in with Nathaniel months ago. They tempted fate time and again, played with fire as they slept on the same bed, his bed, getting too close and moving a little too fast. Sometimes they fooled around like teens in lust, stopping short of sex. Many times they'd stop because he noticed her scars from when she cut herself and he blamed himself for letting get things too far, that he wasn't there for her when she needed someone the most.

_He stared down at her as he kneeled between her legs. The scars were light enough that they were hard to see but he knew they were there. They were an ugly reminder of how badly things became, how fast her life spiraled out of control._

_Her eyes started to get misty, the tears quickly forming. "Nathan, please don't..." _

_He gently brushed each scar, traced each wound on her thighs and he was careful with how he touched each one. "I'm sorry Catherine. I should have been there for you."_

_"It wasn't your fault." _

_He bent down and kissed each scar, gently pressing his lips to each wound. She felt his tears roll down her thighs and she let her tears go, sobbing as he continued to kiss her scars._

She tosses and turns as she tries to go back to sleep but her mind constantly drifted back to him, Nathaniel who was continuously there for her time and again. A week ago while on vacation she realized her true feelings for him, burying it in the back of her mind and deep in her heart, afraid of being hurt again. Though she knew he wouldn't hurt her she still felt the fear of how much control pain had in her life.

She lived years of her life shadowed by pain, continually affecting how she lived, moving from one relationship to the other, afraid of being alone. She lost her instincts to trust herself, the strength and hope that there was more to life than sadness. Her world became bleak and miserable. She hit rock bottom when she started to cut herself and the two older Keller boys had a hard time forgiving themselves for letting things get too far.

She gets up from her bed and goes about her morning routine. She makes coffee for the both of them and sits out in the balcony. The chaotic traffic of New York had already begun and she shakes her head at peoples impatience. She looks down at the city and realizes how much she had missed her home while away.

She smiles to herself as she remembers the calmness of Hawaii, the beauty of nature as they hiked valleys and rainforest. She closes her eyes as she thought of the waterfall at the end of their hikes.

"Morning." Nathan greets her and breaks her thoughts.

She turns to him and smile.

He had a weary look on his face and bags under his eyes. He hadn't slept much. "Did I do something wrong Catherine?"

"What?" She shakes her head. "No. Not at all."

He leans against the door and stares pass her, avoiding her eyes. "It's just, you've been distant since you came back. And well, you usually sleep in my room but you haven't since the trip. I know you said you wanted to take your time and wait but have you changed your mind about us?"

She walks to him and places her hand in his. "I'm sorry Nathan. I just needed time to get my thoughts together." She squeezes his hand and takes a deep breath. "I hope you know you're the best thing in my life. If it weren't for you and your constant help and support I don't know what I would I'd do."

"You're tougher than you think. Sweetheart, you're stronger than you think."

"It's because of you Nathan. Every time I needed someone you were there. You're always there and I guess I never realized just how much you mean to me. All this time, I kept telling myself that I was just moving on but it's not just that. You opened up your home to me and I'm thankful for that but it's not just yours it's ours, granted I don't pay rent."

He smiles as she does the same.

"We share the chores and I enjoy doing those things with you. It's the other things as well, there's so many things that I can't even... My point is, what Mom made me realize is, Nathan, I love you but she's also right. I'm in the middle of a divorce and I'm not ready to be in another relationship, at least not right now."

"I don't know what to say Catherine. You just..." He lets go of her hand. "Should I be happy? Should I be sad? What?"

"I want to be with you, I do but we both know where this can lead if we don't take a step back."

"What are you saying?" His voice starts to crack and tears form in his eyes.

"I won't ask you to wait for me Nathan, it's not fair to you. I don't want to be that girl that goes from one relationship to another because she's afraid of being alone. I want to move past that and leave my past where it belongs, in the past. I need time to fix things, to fix me. I hope you understand Nathan."

"What the fuck Catherine? After everything? I don't get it...after everything I've done for you..." The tears slides down his cheek and he clenches his fist, punching the wall.

"Nathan..."

* * *

Vincent looks down at his palm and smiles to himself. He closes his fist over his bronze chip, his constant reminder of his one year sobriety and puts it in his pocket. He finally choose life over alcohol and he can finally say he was truly happy.

His relationship with his brothers was much better, though him and Nathaniel still had steps to go. They had weekly get together to remind him how important he was in their life. Nathaniel had long ago given up alcohol and William gave it up as well to support his youngest brother.

He walks across the room, pass the crowd and guest that came to celebrate Nathaniel's 35th birthday. He walks out to the balcony and freezes as he sees the one person he owed more than an apology to but could never get the courage to do so.

"I didn't know you were here. I'll leave."

"It's okay Vincent." She pauses. "I heard about your one year."

He nods his head. "I'm sorry Catherine... I should have known you would be here... You and Nate. I should go."

"Stay Vincent. He's your brother. Besides Nathan and I are just friends."

"It's just... Never mind. It's none of my business." He thought they were more. He constantly saw them out for lunch and he knew for a fact that they talked everyday since he overheard William teasing Nathaniel about it. "Uhm, I know right now isn't exactly the right time but I don't know when we'll talk again. I'm sorry Catherine for everything."

"Vincent..."

"Wait just let me finish. I... I don't deserve your forgiveness, I know that but someday I wish you can forgive me." He places his hands in his pocket and looks down. "I'm sorry." He fiddles

around with his coin, the one thing he was proud of. He takes it out and looks at it. He walks closer to her. "Here I want you to have this. It's my one year chip."

"Vincent you should keep this."

"No, I shouldn't." He places it in her hand and steps back. "It's only one year. I still have a lifetime to go. I have to take it a day at a time. It was good seeing you." He walks away from her and goes back inside. He pauses and turns back around. "Catherine, don't live your life full of regrets. Trust me, I know what that's like. You deserve to be happy."

"Thanks Vincent."

* * *

Nathaniel excuses himself from his guest and follows Catherine as she nods to him from across the room. The party wasn't his idea and he only wanted to see one person on his special day. He follows her into the hallway away from the crowd and party.

"Is everything okay?" He asks her.

"Everything is fine." She leans back against the wall. "Happy birthday Nathan."

"Thanks again. You know you could have told me over there as well."

"But I couldn't give you your gift." She walks closer to him and wraps her arms around his shoulder, locking her hands behind his neck. She tiptoes and kisses his lips.

He kisses her back and wraps his arms around her waist.

"I love you Nathaniel."

"I love you Catherine."

**The end.**


End file.
